All posts by Dating Guru

3 Common Insecurities Men and Women Struggle With While Dating

Regardless of gender, we all have insecurities, but the difference becomes evident when we step into the dating scene. Though men and women have become equal than before when it comes to personal rights and freedom. Sexism is still very much alive. Blatant sexism exposes our nasty and intrusive insecurities among us, making dating pretty stressful in many ways. We explained some of the insecurities below and didn’t forget to check out if you’re a victim to any of them.

Insecurity #1 Am I Successful Enough?

Men mostly are struggling from this dating insecurity. The reason is since childhood; boys are taught that having a good job and providing for the family is what constitutes a “real man.” This generalization still exists as most men have admitted that they feel insecure when their dates ask them about their livelihoods. Many men had said that they felt embarrassed when they picked their dates driving an economy or old car, or had dinner dates in inexpensive restaurants. It doesn’t matter, how much civilized and modern our society has become, men still want to be providers, especially financially.

Insecurity #2 Am I Slim Enough?

Both men and women feel insecure when it comes to their physical appearances. Men want to be muscular and imposing, while women are told be beautiful and slim. However, women are in much harder positions regarding their bodies than men are. For example, the media constantly talks about women’s weight and while overly ignored weight problems in men. The media always projects an image of women that implies that if you thin and pretty, only then you can be successful to have a career and be in a relationship. The obsession with thinness is so severe that many women have resorted to hard dieting and exercise programs and slimming pills to burn fat and speed up their metabolism. Not only is this disastrous to their bodies, but to their mental health as well.

Insecurity #3 Am I Interesting or Exciting Enough?

This particular insecurity has its root on annoying popularity contents in junior high, high schools and even colleges. We always see this all the time in movies, dramas, and comedies, making it even worse. Popular culture promotes the notion that everything we say on a date should have to be witty, funny and interesting. This insecurity is found in men and women, who aren’t active and or don’t do a lot of extracurricular activities, which in theory makes a person appear more dynamic and exciting. Some men and women get intimidated to go on dates as they don’t have hobbies or any interests that will keep their dates engaged or have an engaging conversation. It’s true that hobbies make an individual attractive, but in reality, you only need to be as interesting as your date.

The Bottom Line

If you want to feel more secure and confident, just focus on areas that you feel comfortable and possibly make some improvements to it. Focus on things that you can change and don’t overthink about things that you won’t able to. Being action-oriented is the goal you’ll need to accomplish if you start complaining too much about any lacking that you might have. Be nice, and that the only best thing you can when getting back to the dating world.

It Is Okay If You’re Apparently Dating All Wrong

Dating can be a terrifying for some people, particularly to those who have started dating after a breakup or a divorce. They have little idea what they’re doing or can’t remember the conversation they have with the new person. Sometimes the date ends up in a disaster, or both of them get passed by it.

We don’t like to be slaves to “rules”, and even the most comforting one among us will try to resist giving in to these rules while dating.

The allure of dating rules, (some call them principles), is that they give you confidence that if you have enough skills, you can easily navigate to the next relationship. Some people even go to extra lengths if they follow all the advice. They won’t get heartbroken again. Good luck with that!

It’s common to hear people who are going through a breakup and upset about it saying they’ll not repeat the same mistakes in their next relationship. But, it’s easier to say than doing it.Many individuals are in a quest to find the perfect partner, create chemistry, maintaining momentum in the relationship. And they get so overwhelmed with tips and advice on what to do and what not to do that they only blow it all away.

At every dating process, you keep thinking about questions like, “Did I respond to that text message or email too quickly? Was I late in asking her out for dinner? Did I mention to make our relationship exclusive too soon? Most of these things can go wild once you’re really in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what most relationship experts tell and suggest to do, to have a great date. A lot of people will get confused by how much there is to think about it.

The fact is there isn’t a “flawless” or “right” way to find and nurture love; we all are giving out best. Thinking like this takes a lot of burden out of our minds, and subsequently, it proves that we are after all humans and stumble like everyone else. Moreover, you find a lot of people who have found love in places and time that they least expected it. Just ask any of your favorite couples how they met for the first time and got into an exclusive relationship. You’ll be surprised to hear that they had a ton of missed connections, upsetting breakups, poor communication, bad timing, awful intentions, heartbreaking separations, infidelity, emotional breakdown, jealousy, bad kissing and so forth. All these unprecedented events eventually made them better and landed them into a cozy and committed relationship.

Overall, this is a good context to bear in mind whenever you’re fidgeting over you replied to that email too soon or whether if you showed too much or too little interest in your date. Instead, of asking yourself if you did anything wrong or right while dating, ask yourself if you did anything that was “real and authentic”. Did your actions reflect your true intentions and motivations? Do you genuinely want to be treated the same you treated others? Remain true and honest to these rules, and there’s no chance you’ll make any mistakes, and lose your way in finding the perfect partner.

3 Ways To Respond If Your Date Is Rude Towards You

How would you respond if you’re on a first or second date with someone new and he or she makes an insulting remark to you? In the early days in a relationship, everyone is anxious and experimenting, and people may tell something that can be rude and disrespectful without them even realizing it. I would say that don’t tolerate if anyone is shutting you down, being rude, and shooting insulting comments towards you, particularly if they know you for a few days. Here are a few ways to deal with your date if he or she has been offensive and rude towards you.

Take a bathroom break

Excuse yourself by going to the bathroom or restroom is the simplest way to handle a situation when a new date made a rude remark. Going to the bathroom isn’t only a good way to not to react in a bad temper, but a way to access the situation in private. Once you’re alone, you can take a good look in the mirror, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself how you will respond to it and what possible outcomes will result from it.

Avoid responding to the insults and switch the topic

If your new date has made a derogatory comment to you, and you don’t want to remove yourself from the situation physically, consider doing this instead. Look at your watch or phone, wait for five minutes, organize your feelings and then decide if you want to respond to his or her rude remarks. Switch the topic by asking your date a question. It will get your date talking, and instead of paying attention, you can now focus on that insulting comment, what did he or she say it, why is it bothering me and what is the best possible way to respond to it. Decide if you want to tell your date that you’re not interested in it now, or just wrap up the date, and talk to a friend about the subject later. Not reacting to the insult instantly, and thinking about it later, will help you to understand the issue in a new perspective.

Deal with it NOW, if you’re angry!

If a rude comment from your date made you angry, tell him or her that you’re upset about it. Don’t tolerate it. Tell that his or her rude behavior has hurt your feelings. Another approach is to mark your boundary. Remember, you’re in charge for your relationship. So be clear and nice about your expectations and preferences. Once you made it crystal clear what upset you, give your date a chance to explain it, and finally tell him or her, that you don’t want them to say anything like again. Keep in mind that, your date may become defensive if you made these statements with punishing or angry tone. So, avoid doing it, and say it in a soft and friendly voice instead.

If you’ve just gone for a first few dates with someone new, and your date said something that made you angry or upset, if could very well be an isolated incident. But, if this keeps on happening, then, then it’s very likely that your date is trying to upset you on a regular basis as long as you keep on dating him or her. So, to protect yourself from your date’s nasty insults and behavior, address the issue directly and ask the person to stop doing it. And if your date still keeps on doing it, then it’s probably in your best interests to abandon your date and look for someone more respectful.

Good Communication Is A Must For A Happy Relationship

Most couples have blamed the breakdown in communication as one of the main reasons for the failure of their marriages. What does it mean? The breakdown in communication means that the both persons in the marriage are still communicating in some way or form. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t talking with each other. Problems arise when the couple stops all kind of communication altogether.

Take a moment and recall the early days of your relationship. You’ve talked over the phone for hours and sent text messages and emails throughout the day that made little sense. You shared every little and quirky details of the day to your partner. All those hours you spent talking on the phone, sending text messages and sharing all those stories and moments to your significant other defines you who you are today.

If you liked to talk so much then, what happened now that you speak so little?

You’re making less frequent phone calls. You talk less on the phone, and those cute and nonsense text messages started to dwindle. Over time you became busier doing other stuff and don’t have the interest to share all those mundane details of your day. You start to think that your partner has no interest in listening to what you do all day as he or she already knows about it. Gradually, a time arrives where there is simply no communication. The conversations have stopped for good.

So, how can we get out from his rut? One approach is to start communicating again and stop doing what we are doing, focus on our spouse and talk to them. Get engaged in a two-way conversation. Be interested what he or she is saying and try to relate to their feelings and emotions. Respond, react and reply to his or her questions. Focus. Turn off your TV and switch off your smartphone. Responding to all emails that are clogging your inbox, keep track of our favorite teams’ latest scores, checking the new and weather stats can all wait. You and your partner can set topics on a variety of issues, select one of them randomly and have an in-depth conversation about it. Ask questions and respond to them, even sometimes the answers won’t be right or embarrassing. It’s a nice way to keep the dialogue going.

The point here is to talk, listen and share. Relationships will die if the communication disappears. It’s far more important than you think. It’s okay sometimes we don’t like to talk and spend some alone time for ourselves. If you need some quiet time for yourself, tell your husband about it, and get recharged. However, if you keep having too many of those days, then it can become a problem.

Overall, if you want to have a long-lasting relationship, then it’s crucial to be a good conversation partner. It means not only are you good at talking but in listening as well. Engaging actively while talking and listening to your partner demonstrates empathy and compassion. It means giving advice when needed and listening to it when it’s not. It’s unhealthy for a relationship where one partner does all the talking and the other keeps on listening – It’s speech, not a conversation! Remember, communication is like oxygen for a relationship. Without it, it dies.

4 Ways Low Self-Esteem Can Ruin a Relationship

If you’ve low self-esteem, probably you think that you’ll suck at dating. If you’re feeling stressed and insecure, your low self-esteem will prevent you from having a lasting relationship or make it harder for you to find a perfect date. See if any of the behaviors resonate with your and if they do, then it’s a sign that you’ve low self-esteem.

You Have Needy or Clingy Behavior

Everyone gets turned off by neediness. While dating, men and women mainly look for a romantic partner to have a relationship. They aren’t looking for someone to take care of them as if they’re like abandoned children or a psychotherapy patient. People want to date someone who will compliment them, make their life whole, and not a person that will drain their energy. If you think you’ve the habit to get needy or clingy, consider making a few friends so that it won’t consume the person you’re dating. Ask your friends or coworkers to join you for dinner, go to a party or just do some fun activity together and so on.

You Feel Jealous

It’s not surprising to know that jealousy and low self-esteem goes hand in hand. We all feel insecure time to time. If you think that you aren’t good enough for him or her, or someone will snatch away your significant other from, then it’s an indication of low self-esteem as well as jealousy. If your jealousy is out of control, it can wreck havoc on your relationship. To get rid of jealous steak, first, admit that you’ve a jealousy problem. Talk to your friends that you’re trying to become less jealous, or chant a single liner yourself to distract you whenever you become jealous.

You’re Afraid That Your Date Isn’t Attracted to You – Sexually

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, then there’s a possibility that you always fear that your partner is or doesn’t want to be intimate with you. The keep thinking about this because you feel that you aren’t sexually attractive to him or her. These fears that stem poor self-esteem issues can ruin a loving relationship quickly. Remind yourself that your partner could abandon this relationship at any time, but he or she is still with you. You don’t have to be the perfect mate for him or her. And if there’s any performance issue in the bedroom, consult with a professional.

You Need Your Partner for Constant Reassurance

Healthy individuals are looking for a partner that will complement them, while unhealthy persons are looking for a partner that will take care of them. They want their significant others to be their parents. Why? Because, they didn’t receive enough care, love and attention from their parents or siblings, while they were young. These adults feel incredibly insecure, and they’re always waiting for someone that will give them the love and attention they didn’t get while growing up. These individuals hate to be alone and need assurance and validation of others to feel good about themselves. It’s an indication of poor self-esteem, and they need to work on improving their confidence level, body images and get motivated.

We all struggle with insecurity, low self esteem and emotional issues more or less, but for most, it’s not that big of an issue. But, if you consistently feel bad about yourself, be careful while engaging in a romantic relationship. If you don’t improve your self-esteem, then you might jeopardize your relationship.

Stop Emailing and Go on a Date!

One of the biggest complaints about online dating is always responding to endless emails people get from their matches. The feeling is same: you get a new email from an individual who has been corresponding with you over the last few weeks. You open the email anxiously, read it and find new questions for you about your favorite food, or are you still love your ex and so forth. You’re are tired and annoyed about answer all these questions so that he or she on the other side can know you better. You’re probably asking why isn’t he still asking you out?

Of course, the first few emails are important. And these corresponding emails do reveal a lot about a person and their characters. By email correspondence you get to about his favorite things to do, his hobbies, why did he break up and so on. Emailing is an inevitable annoyance in a quest to know more about our matches so that we can have a relationship with someone who “fits the bill”. In the old days, relationships were simple affairs. We meet people and get to know them. But, now we get to know first, then we meet them.

The problem is that there’s a limitation on how well you can know about an individual this way. If you already email your match online for five or six times or even more, you’ve visualized an image of that person in your mind that normally won’t match in real life. Within this period, if that person hasn’t agreed to meet you in person or asked for a date, you sweet expectation will soon turn into a disappointment upon meeting. Or, that person will altogether end it and won’t meet you again.

Your mission should be to suggest your match meet or at least talk over the phone after responding to three or four emails. By chance, if you have met someone who is a marathon emailer and still going on, then shoot him by replying that who will tell more about yourself, if he or she decides to have a dinner date.

The same strategy applies for the phone too. Some people head straight for the date and prefer to skip the calling stage. Some people don’t sound fun or exciting on the phone and aren’t available all the time because they can’t line up their work and social schedules. However, after answering a few emails, if you like to call, then go for it. But, don’t suggest using Skype or any video calling services. Better yet, call that person and ask him to fix a date right away. Save those emails or text messages for directions and other information like restaurant rating or getting stuck in traffic.

After emailing for a few times, it’s time you meet your match and go on a real date. You want him to see his eyes light up the moment he glimpses on you. You want him to twirl your hair, fidget with his spoon, and let him whiff the sweet seductive perfume you put on your body. You can’t do any of that hiding behind a computer.

Emotional Baggage Can Threaten Your Relationship

Most of us have dated someone with a lot of emotional baggage, and most of them didn’t have a happy ending. Unfortunately, it’s hard to figure out if your partner has too much baggage until you’ve been in a relationship with that person for some time. Only if you can spot whether he or she has emotional baggage sooner, you could stop dating that person. Moreover, you should not get in the relationship in the first place.

Here are some most common types of emotional baggage and how you can spot it.

1. Serious problems within the Family

It doesn’t matter whether your date is 20 or 50, if he or she comes from a dysfunctional family, it’s highly likely that they too will have emotional problems. Even if your date personally doesn’t have any personal or emotional issues or their parents or siblings had it, it can cause significant emotional stress on their lives.

How You Can Spot It

He or she is outraged towards a parent or parents, siblings or other family members whenever they get together for family reunions, dinners or parties. You will find that he or she has a parent or a sibling who is an alcoholic or addict and it’s creating a lot of problems in the family. You will discover that he or she was abused verbally, physically and emotionally by one or both parents.

2. Depression

Most of us associate depression that affects women. But, severe forms of depression have been diagnosed in both men and women. So, if a person has some baggage, it’s very likely he or she is severely depressed and need medical attention.

How You Can Spot It

He or she is always moody; don’t like to socialize or talk to others; and little confidence and self-esteem. People with depression aren’t interested in activities which can make them happy, are pessimistic about what the future hold for them. They complain all the time and can get angry or irritated very easily. He or she always starts arguments and cries for no particular reason. However, it’s important to know men and women express their emotional outburst differently.

3. The Ex-Factor

If you start dating someone, who recently broke up with his or her partner, you ask yourself questions like, If he still in love with his ex? Does she still contact her ex? If you feel uncomfortable dating someone who has been in a serious relationship in the past, then end it right there. And for those who have just been out of a relationship, wait for at least six months or more before you fully get over your ex, before you start a new relationship. This way you won’t carry the baggage of your old relationship to the new one.

How You Can Spot It

He or she mentions their former lovers at least once a week during the first few weeks of dating. He or she still keeps pictures of their ex; he says his ex’s name while talking to his friends; he or she always compares you with their ex.

The bottom line is, we all have some emotional baggage the moment we reach adulthood. The advice to remember is that we should be able to control our baggage so that it doesn’t harm our relationships in any way or form.

Why People Feel Terrified After Falling in Love for the First Time

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, so some of us feel awful sometimes? When people fall in love, it seems like the colors became much brighter, you can focus on your work, and you can’t eat or sleep properly. Heck, you can’t stop thinking about him or her. And all of a sudden you start to get insecure and uncertainty gets hold of you. You can start asking yourself, “Am I really in love with her? Does he love me? What will I do if she leaves me?”

A questionnaire survey conducted on 100 newly-in-love men and women in Iran has concluded that the people who are in love were more anxious and depressed. The authors said that romantic love isn’t full of joy and happiness. In fact, they reported that young adults who are dating found themselves to be more insecure and have unpleasant feelings. However, there’s one good news, though – love helps you to sleep better!

Being in love is a destabilizing experience, and for individuals who have a hard time to control their emotions and feelings, it can also be distressing. Nonetheless, if you think that you’re one of them, here is some advice to make you feel comfortable again.

Feelings Are Temporary

Feelings aren’t permanent, it changes, even the most overwhelming ones. It’s because of your profound ability to love that makes you feel happiness and sadness. When you fall in love, it is okay if can’t eat or sleep properly for a few days, but eventually, it will pass. Soon, you’ll get your appetite back and get control of your emotions and feelings.

Don’t Stress About What Anything Means

When people fall in love, the brain gets bombarded with love hormones. You can’t think straight, and you can make unwise decisions about tough issues that come up during the early stages of dating. Avoid overthinking about issues regarding your relationship. You don’t have a clue where your relationship will be heading from this minute. You don’t have to overly analyze about his emotional wellness after he told you about his divorce or breakup. Don’t get stressed out if she took three hours to return your call or respond to your text. Don’t even bother whether it’s obvious infatuation or the beginning of a loving and long-lasting relationship. Relax and tell your instincts that all new love is supposed to be uncertain.

Give Your Partner Some Space

If you think that someone loves you, and you can’t wait to tell him or her that, remember some people might get overwhelmed by intense emotions. All of us are different, and we experience our feelings and emotions in our way. Some people prefer to get engulfed with emotion and feelings, while others like to take a break or look for ways to get distracted – well, that is until romance gets reignited within them again.

Overall, falling in love can a combination of happiness, peace, and uncertainty. Sometimes, being in love exposes are weaknesses and makes us feel low. It’s just a reminder that you’re ready for both.

Be Realistic and Don’t Expect Perfection While Dating

We aren’t perfect. We all have flaws. Our partners aren’t perfect either. So, don’t expect perfection from them as well. Instead, learn to accept them for who they are in person and mind.

It’s interesting, how we so willing to ignore the flaws or traits that make us uncomfortable in the early stages of relationships. Some traits seem to look cute, and we usually overlook them. Or, it can be that we are so much in love that we readily ignore them because the good traits have overshadowed these “flaws” or “annoying quirks.” Some believe that they can “change” or “fix” these flaws once they get to work on them. These are the reasons why we sincerely forget about these perceived imperfections in our dates and move ahead with the relationship.

As the relationship matures over time, we arrive at a point that somehow these perceived “flaws” we have previously noticed in our partners all of a sudden become important and the “flaws” themselves get highlighted. It’s true that we said to ourselves these negative traits were cute and won’t create any problems in the relationship later, or we can change them. But, now it becomes clear that those “flaws” aren’t going anywhere and are here to stay.

You’ll also turn paranoid to change someone in an attempt to make them perfect for you. Well, that’s not going to happen with some severe consequences. A lot of relationships have ended because one partner tried to change the other person and things got out of hand.

So, what happens now? We have seen that it’s these flaws that have created a ridge between the couples as they no longer see the good qualities among themselves that brought them closer together in the first place. All those wonderful traits like – his silly sense of humor, the way she cares about children, his caring attitude towards stray pets and so forth suddenly become less important. And all you argue about now is he leaves the toilet seat up, or she doesn’t water the plants.

Imperfections are inevitable in humans, and we must accept them as they are. No one is perfect, and if you are married to someone, it’s probably that their attractive attributes have surpassed their weaknesses. Perhaps, it’s time that you recall the qualities of your partner that made you attracted to him or her and then take a stand on those flaws in a broader spectrum. We can easily say that these “flaws” will be washed away by the powerful waves of the good qualities. Being vulnerable is the essence of romance. If someone is genuinely attracted to you, loves you, he or she won’t be scared to expose their flaws. It’s their flaws that make who they are and who they are not. That’s what important.

The bottom here is we all have our good qualities and flaws. The key to a lasting relationship is to focus more on the wonderful attributes and thinking less about the imperfections and how to make those “imperfections” perfect. Life is better if we start looking for beauty in the flaws, instead if criticizing them.

Is It True That Dating People With A Cheating Past Will Cheat Again?

You’ve probably heard this many times, “if he cheated once, he would cheat again.” When it comes to generalizations, few dispute it. If a person cheats on his or her partner, will they repeat it? In short, usually, individuals will cheat again unless they suffered severe consequences for their behavior.

Cheating individuals who faced significant repercussions can learn from their wrongdoing

For most men and women, being monogamous is of top most priority in their relationships. If a partner commits infidelity, the cheater will only change their behavior only if their partner breaks up with them or get divorced. Some take a long-term hiatus from their relationship. Due to the breakup or the end of the relationship, the cheater feels guilty, embarrassed, self-atonement, and engulfs in despair and sadness. It’s explicitly for this experience that the cheater takes a second look at his or her behavior, and realizes its cost and effect on their lives.

Cheaters who skipped serious consequences will cheat again

If a cheater didn’t face any dire consequences, why would he stop doing it again? If a cheater weren’t punished mentally for their actions, he or she would never understand the reason that made him or her unfaithful in the first place. Therefore, they will keep on cheating. It’s also crucial to know what motivated an individual to be unfaithful and risk their relationships and marriage. After all, if you ask a person, why they cheated, they’ll most likely tell whether they’ll do it again.

If you happen to date an individual who has a cheating record, ask questions about it

Ask your date what are the reason that compelled him to cheat. In the majority of the cases, it’s because of anger, boredom, resentment, neglect and loneliness. Let’s be clear; cheaters aren’t bad. People start their relationships with the best intentions, but they realize at later stages in the relationship, that some of their emotional needs aren’t being fulfilled. So, they try to meet that by having affairs with other people. Besides, it’s also necessary to ask the cheating person how their ex-partners treated them after the cheating scandal. The person won’t give you the exact details, but it will help to know more about that person, and your current date also gets an opportunity to share their side of the story.

Handle the situation if you start feeling that your date will compel to cheat on you

Ask your current date with a cheating past, whether he will cheat on you if they ever feel unhappy or resentful over you. Don’t get satisfied if he replied in one sentence, that he wouldn’t do it again. Instead, hold him accountable for his actions and verbal contract – not to cheat. Also, suggest him to handle his feelings in a way that won’t take him to the same path. Don’t let go of your current date quickly. Ask questions, but don’t ask too many questions.

Overall, if you’re currently dating someone, ask questions regarding his cheating past if he has cheated in his previous relationship. Don’t jump to conclusions quickly. Take some time thinking about his answers, rely on your instincts, and then decide whether you trust him that he won’t be unfaithful to you in the future.