All posts by Dating Guru

Reasons to Be Happy When Your Match Wants to Be Friends

When it comes to online dating, few people like to hear their matches tell, that they don’t want to date him or her, but would like to friends. It seems like a shoddy consolation present as if he or she is just offering friendship unwillingly because they don’t want to have a relationship with them. But, if you remove the rejection part of it, you’ll realize that making new friends is one of the best advantages of online dating experience.

You will be amazed to find out that while looking for matches online you’ll meet a lot of people that have similar opinions, interests, views, hobbies and sense of humor, or sports. It’s an ideal arrangement in some manner. You can share movie or basketball tickets or get the benefits of a social club without having to get anxious about which direction your relationship is heading. Besides, it’s also possible for you to enjoy all types of chemistry with the opposite sex minus the romantic attraction. Friendships gained while dating online adds richness in your social life. You get to understand this if you’re divorced or just trying to add some zest into your social or just trying to make new pals. Who knows some of the people you met online can turn out to be your best friends and they can also help your find you a romantic partner.

But, remember to keep the new relationship with your online match strictly in the friend zone. And here’s how you can do it:

Ensure that none of you any romantic attraction or feelings

If you think your relationship with your online matches is more than friendship, then you aren’t doing the way you’re supposed to. If you think you or they are attracted to you or have feelings for you, then friendships will never develop. It’s in fact, kind of mean. Moreover, there is no fun of always worrying that the other person may think the current relationship is more than just being friends. In this situation, you might have to wait for some time until the other person is dating someone.

Don’t be friends unless you want it

Being real friends in real life means that you would keep in touch and meet them from time to time. For starters, be friends on social media. Rushing to be friends with your online matches isn’t a good way to make good buddies. So, start first by liking or sharing each other posts or interesting articles or pictures. Suggest him or her in doing activities or attending festivals just like regular friends. Invite them to your friends’ birthdays or parties. The more you socialize with other people, the higher the chances of you meeting someone you like to be in a relationship.

Be ready to the possibility that your relationship might change

We understand you didn’t expect that, but theirs is a possibility that getting to know someone in more fun and a relaxed way can alter the status of the relationship. But finding love should never be the motive for being friends with the opposite sex. For the time being, just focus and enjoy by spending time with someone exciting and fun.

The takeaway here even if you haven’t been able to be in a relationship with your match online, it opens a new possibility of making new friends. That is one positive aspect of online dating, and most people are just oblivious to it.

5 Topics You Should Never Discuss By Telephone While Dating

In the early stages of dating, most men and women often feel the need to know each other as quickly as they possibly can. And in most cases, they have all their conversations over the phone. A new couple will spend hours talking on the phone, hitting every topic from what dish they like to eat to how many kids they will have. They get so excited they’re now in a relationship that they take things too fast. It can put stress on the relationship with unwanted consequences.

So, it’s better not to rush things, and not to have a discussion on some topics over the phone. What are the issues you may ask, here they are:

1. Dating Other People

Don’t ever ask the person over the phone you just started dating if he/she is seeing other people. It’s an important question to ask, but never over the phone. Asking this question in person has an advantage, you can notice his/her body language. If he says that he’s isn’t dating anyone, but you see him fidgeting or his reluctance to answer it, you might need to ask it again for the right answer.

2. Getting Married and Having Kids

Don’t discuss life’s important events like marriage and having children over the phone. Wait for a month after dating, and then have a conversation about this topic in person. A lot of men and women get turned off by this question if asked too soon. And it’s impetuous if asked over the phone!

3. Past Relationships

Asking each other about their previous relationships, why it ended, whose fault was it; all of these questions are unhealthy. The only important things to know at this moment is that those relationships are in the past now. Don’t ever ask too many questions about a person’s past relationships because it might cause unnecessary jealousy, mental insecurity, and even competition. And if you want to know about his or her’s ex-partners, then ask it in person, never on the phone.

4. Feeling Insecure About Social Media Posts and Photos

In the first few months of dating, men and women mostly argue about posts and photos the other person shares on social media sites. You’ll certainly get paranoid or feel insecure if your date shares a photo with someone holding hands, or seem a little close to them. So, they call the person right away or send him or her abrupt texts without knowing the whole picture. If you need to know about a post or picture your date shared, be moderate while responding. Don’t let your emotions or insecurities overcome your judgment.

5. Doubting If He or She Is Still Interested

In every new relationship, there comes a time when you start having doubts whether your romantic partner is still interested in you. If he or she doesn’t call you or delays your next meeting, it’s okay to wonder if your date still wants to date you or not. But, don’t discuss these issues over the phone. Be patient with your anxiety instead of acting on them impetuously. What you can do here is when you do meet each other next time, wait for a couple of hours and then ask him or her how they feel about you at that moment.

The takeaway here is having in-depth discussions over sensitive topics over the phone can put a lot of strain in a new relationship. Successful relationships are free from stress and anxiety. Discussing any sensitive issues in person will make both of you relaxed and the relationship to flow at its pace.

6 Tips on How to Be Happy After a Breakup

No one told getting over a breakup is easy, but if you know the right coping strategies in the first few weeks, you can make it a lot less painful. Here, I have highlighted the behaviors that have proven to be successful is helping a person get over a breakup and move on with their lives and get their happiness back.

1. Hangout With Your Most Fun Friend

You probably know which friend of yours is the funniest. If not, then figure out which person in your friends’ circle is the funniest or makes you laugh. Now, that you have found him/her spend more time with that person. Individuals who are funny lift us when we’re feeling depressed. So, make preparations to get together as much as possible and have fun.

2. Arrange a Small Party at Your Home

We won’t tell you to party the next day; you broke up. But if it has been a week or more, it’s time for you to socialize again. Arrange a dinner party, sports party, or a movie night at your place and invite all of your close friends to join you. Nothing heals a broken heart by spending some quality time with close pals.

3. Go For A Road Trip or A Vacation

If you want to feel motivated and happy, you must look forward to doing something. It’s okay if you want to lay low for some time, but if you want to mend your broken heart, plan a road trip or a vacation for 2-3 days. It will take your mind off all the negative thoughts and instill hope in yourself.

4. Get Engaged In Physically Exhilarating Activities

No, I am not telling you to join a gym and pump iron. This one is completely different. After a breakup, most of us suffer from two things – low energy and bad mood. Getting active in physically challenging activities will boost both your mind and energy. Don’t be lazy and try to do at least one exciting activity per week. You don’t have to go to the gym, try activities that will excite you and make you happy. So, ask a friend and ride a roller coaster or go dancing at the club.

5. Attend A Workshop or A Class

If you want to keep your mind of your recent breakup, consider taking a class or attending a workshop at your local school or community college. It will be a rewarding experience for you. Try something that’s new and fun like pottery, cooking classes, guitar lessons and so forth. It’s a great way to distract your mind from the saddening experience of your breakup and being focused on your daily life.

6. Take On a New Challenge

Instead of drowning in sadness and hopelessness after a breakup, focuses on yourself, give yourself a new challenge and do something productive. If you have gained some weight, lose it; didn’t get that promotion, get it; update your old resume and find a new job; don’t like the paint on your wall, repaint it; and so on. These challenges are helpful, and they force you to get your life back on track and envisage a new beginning.

Overall, all of these tasks will no doubt improve your mood and distract your mind from the anger and sadness after the end of your relationship.

Find Out If Your Date Has Emotional Issues

Big or small, we all have problems. If you’re looking for a partner, you should find someone who doesn’t have serious emotional issues, rather that someone who has daily problems. I am not telling that individuals who have emotional problems make bad partners, but before you date them to make sure they have worked on their issues. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you should know the differences between people who have extreme emotional problems versus who have everyday issues.

1. You’ll see red flags within the first few weeks of dating

If someone has deep emotional issues, you’ll find them in the initial weeks of dating compared to someone with daily problems. At first, everyone tries to impress their new partners, so it can be hard for you to find out for deal breakers about your date. But, if you see them during the first weeks, then rest assured you’re dating someone who has long-term emotional problems.

2. Your friends and family spots your date’s bad behavior

We all have flaws. If you’re dating someone with a lot of issues jealousy, anger, getting defensive easily, attention seeker, you probably won’t think that it’s all bad. But, most of us don’t have serious emotional problems. If your close friends and family point something negative in your date, and your trust them, then it’s wise for you to take their advice as this person has emotional problems. Individuals who have severe emotional issues stand in the way of having a healthy relationship.

3. Your date’s negative feelings are strong and intense

It’s perfectly okay to get frustrated or angry when you’re dating someone new. But sometimes, when you’re on a date with a person, and if that’s person’s negative reaction is too strong and intense, then it’s not normal. Individuals, who have serious emotional issues typically snap, get angry or frustrated even with minor or insignificant things in a blink of an eye.

4. Your date doesn’t move on or get over after getting upset about petty issues quickly

There is no harm in getting angry or upset about small problems; that is if you can recover pretty soon, say within a few minutes or hours. But, if you get obsessed with it and get stuck in it, then we have a problem. If you date someone, who can’t recover from small issues quickly, then it’s an indication that your date is suffering from serious emotional problems.

5. Your instincts tell your date has serious emotional problems

Don’t doubt your instincts. If you wake up in the morning and recall all the depressing statements your date said to you or did things you didn’t like, then it’s your guts telling you your date has some serious emotional issues. If you find it harder to fall asleep, always thinking about all the upsetting conversation of your date, it’s your instincts sending you a message that this person is affecting your ability to relax and making you anxious.

Overall, if you want to have a lasting relationship, find someone who is confident, active and can deal with everyday problems quickly. If you happen to be on a date with a person who has serious emotional problems, then don’t get panicked, rude or freaked out. Instead, try your best to be empathetic and kind. Whether a person suffers from emotional or daily problems, being friendly and helpful is the best policy to follow.

What Is the Most Important Thing to Do After the Breakup?

It appears that couples, who are coming out of bad relationships, all have one thing in common. They all blamed themselves for the demise of their relationship and not doing enough to fix it. Most admitted that they were in the relationship longer that they should had, and always believe there was “one” thing they weren’t doing it right. They also told that if they could have figured it out that “one” thing, maybe they would still be in the relationship. If they don’t find that “one” things, and realize there is no such thing, and the relationship isn’t getting any better, they decide to breakup.

They were all wrong. If they out they made the well-being of themselves a priority, they would have envisioned that their relationship is a mess, and it wasn’t their fault entirely. So, they deliberately mistreated their partner, pardoned their partners for their mistakes, and when the relationship ends, they have no one to blame but themselves.

So, now most if you will ask, what is the most important thing to do after the breakup?

Well, before you start your journey for a new relationship, there is one very important thing for you to understand. You must know that you are important, your opinions matters, and you should know your standards and values. Ironically, the most important thing in being successful in a relationship is to know how to spend time with yourself, putting your well-being first; and you value yourself as a human.

Before you start having a relationship with someone new, find your hobbies, if you don’t have one, find the things that interest you, and matters to you the most. Cherish all your friendships; get close to your family members and find meaningful and joyous activities that you can call your own when you start seeing someone new.

Dating can be exciting and even intoxicating. You can easily be attracted to someone you like and in return likes you. If you have a breakup in the past, finding someone that care about you seems very caring, attractive and interesting. The experiences can be so intoxicating that when you are all alone all you can think in to be with the person and talk with that person.

However, if you believe in valuing yourself as an individual, you will try to get away from this romantic intoxication for a while, and spend some quality time with your old friends and closest family members. Always stay true to your life and yourself. Good relationships enrich your life and give it more meaning and joy, while bad relationships destroy it and make you feel miserable. If you want to have a happy, long-lasting relationship, the only way you can have it is by enjoying in being in a relationship with yourself. A good partner just compliments it.

Dating and beginning a new relationship is all about maintaining balance with you, your family and friends, your interests, your hobbies and your new partner. When you are dating someone new, always ensure that you put your happiness first. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Remember, if you want your relationship to succeed in the long-term, it should be a part of your life, not your entire life.

Why Being Selfish While Dating is Actually a Good Thing!

Selflessness is considered a sign of well-mannered adults and it’s vital for married people for a long-lasting marriage. But, being selfless can be a poison for people who are dating. You need to be more self-centered when you are seriously dating. In other words, you should be utterly obsessed with yourself if you’re looking for a partner. And, I believe individuals who tend to be generous and selfless while dating will have a hard time to meet someone who is compatible with them. Some of you might be uncomfortable listening to this, so allow me to explain:

If you’re thinking to be in a committed relationship, then you will be determined if the new person you’re dating is going to be a good partner for a long time. You would be like to link with your partner romantically, socially, financially and legally, that is if you get married. He/She will have their faults and gifts, and you’ll have to accept them, and build a happy and satisfying life together. This isn’t small talk.

Let me explain this with an example. Say, your new boyfriend/girlfriend is a great guy. He’s loving, kind, considerate and supportive, but he’s an alcoholic. Because you’re passionate and love him, you want to help him. When he’s sober, he’s a fun and exciting guy to spend time with, but when gets drunk he’s terrible. It’s easy to tell that having a serious relationship or marrying this person is risky. He can quit drinking, but there’s a risk that he won’t, and you’ll have to live with the consequences.

Now, a person who is selfless and puts other first would probably wouldn’t abandon him and leave him for himself. Instead, he would take care of him and make him better. Hundreds and thousands of relationships and marriages have started for just this reason. This woman can’t be selfish; even she needs to be at this point. The woman isn’t acting in her best interests and is risking a lot in her life by being in a relationship with an alcoholic.

Of course, most of us don’t have relationships with an alcoholic, but some individuals are neurotic, have anger issues, narcissistic, jealous, and other negative traits, that can make a relationship to end. Your best approach here is to communicate with your partner and encourage him or her to improve in these areas before you get serious with the relationship. And if things don’t get better, then the best solution is to be selfish, end the union and move on.

Overall, we all have our perfections and imperfections. To make any relationship work, you have to make changes and compromises in your life. There is no short cut here. The takeaway here is – if you dated your partner long enough and noticed some bad points, then you should discuss it. Take steps to improve or get rid of it. If your romantic partner doesn’t want to do or make it happen, then it’s time for you to be selfish. You have to be SELFISH. It’s for the best for your life.

Why You Should Not Date Attention Seekers

There is nothing wrong to get a little attention, but some people take it to a whole new level. Attention seekers make bad partners; they can be frustrating to deal with, and they argue regularly and break up all of a sudden. So, how can you spot an attention seeking person in the dating world?

Here are some common signs of an attention seeker:

Attention seeking people tend to be loud. They like to be the life of the party. They make unclassy jokes, act obnoxious, say things that can be cute or provocative.

Attention seekers often tend to be flirtatious and seductive. They make direct eye contact with other people, touches people in appropriate ways, dresses in ways to grab attention. They prefer being overly sexualized.

Attention seeking men and women are argument starters. They start an argument or get involved in debates and dominate the conversation, just to get everyone’s attention and focus on them. This is a major turn off to their partners making them annoyed and frustrated.

So, why it’s better if you stay away from dating attention seekers?

1. They often dominate discussions. Attention seekers are motivated by getting attention and are addicted to it. At social gatherings, they are ones who talks most from the rest. They love hearing themselves talk and even better if people focus on them. What is annoying for their partners is they think their partners are taking the spotlight from and pushing them in the shadows. Their partners don’t get the chance to express themselves and interact with others in mutually conforming manner.

2. They deny that they crave for attention. It is said to be one of the most frustrating traits of attention seekers. If you happen to date an attention seeker, you probably by now found that your attention seeking partner will deny that he or she wants attention desperately from others. Instead, they will tell you that they get attention because they deserve it and people give it to them. That is straightforward narcissism.

3. Getting attention is more important to attention seekers than relationships. Attention seekers love to seduce people to like them, and they work hard to get others to like them. If you’re dating someone who craves attention, who will notice how he or she use the tactics and tricks to flirt, seek attention and start arguments. That’s why jealousy is a big issue while being in a relationship with attention seekers. They are so obsessed with getting attention from others that they totally neglect your feelings.

4. Only getting attention from you won’t satisfy them. It is a crucial point to remember regarding having a relationship with an attention seeking individual. Regardless, how perfect you are, how sexy, smart, interesting, funny you happen to be – your partner won’t be satisfied and will seek validation from others. No matter how hard you try, you will never be good enough for your attention-seeking partner. It’s not that you’re less desirable and appealing than others, it’s their personality to seek attention from others that make them alive deep inside.

The bottom line is seeking attention functions like a drug to attention seekers. They will do anything to get validation and praise from other people. Unless you have unfathomable self-esteem, it’s better for you to avoid engaging with an attention seeker if you want to have a loving and committed relationship.

Dating Someone Also Means Dating Their Jobs As Well

Let’s face it some people have prestigious and exciting professions. Say, bankers, lawyers, doctors, pilots, firefighters, and so forth. We understand why some individuals are attracted to some professionals over others, but remember one thing, dating someone also means you’re also dating their careers. In other words, the professions of your partner will have an effect on your relationship.

How will your relationship be affected if your partner worked for long hours?

It depends on you. If you’re highly independent and maintain a vast social network, you could make your relationship function. But, if you’re a little insecure, then dating someone who works for long hours might not be a good match for you. Prestigious professions have a lot of perks, like high salaries, bonuses, social status and so on, but these jobs also come with lots of responsibilities and require intense and extended working hours.

Individuals with exciting careers can also be difficult to date. Exciting careers and physical dangers come hand in hand. Just think how many time people say goodbye to their partners who work as pilots, firefighters or in the military. They can face any accidents or even death while in duty. If you are in a relationship with someone with a stimulating and exciting job, you need to learn to become insensitive and stop getting worried. If you get anxious or concerned about your partner’s profession and whether he or she will be okay on a regular basis, then it’s better for you not to get in a relationship with someone with those jobs. The simple reason is you’ll be spending most of your life worrying if your partner will be okay daily and that’s not something most of us can handle. Most couples don’t realize that at the beginning of the relationship, but when they do it’s already too late.

So, what’s the solution you may ask? The answer is having relationships with someone with similar professions.

When you start dating, your new partner at some point will introduce you to his or her colleagues and their partners. When you’re hanging out with them, ask their partners personally how their relationships are going by dating someone with that profession. Ask their spouses if it bothers them and what kind of things you should be expecting about have a relationship someone in that line of work. Try to visualize how a typical weekend will turn out once you and your partner are in a serious relationship. Ask yourself if you’re okay to date someone who comes home in the evening or at midnight, skips having dinner with you and are too tired to spend some time with you.

So, what’s the takeaway here?

Deep inside, nobody knows you better than yourself. You know best what kind of relationship will satisfy you and make you happy. Sometimes, we get overboard and imagine things and try to trick our minds into believing something that’s not right. It’s for this reason why some relationships fail. So, if you’re considering to date or marrying someone who has an exciting and prestigious profession, remember, besides the benefits, there are sacrifices too.

Trying Too Hard To Find Love? – Here’s What To Do

We always have someone among our friends who always tried hard to find a romantic partner. And it can get quite frustrating is can’t find it. The thing is love is hard to find by sheer will alone, and some people had found love when they least expected it. When we have decided to start a relationship, we take steps to find a partner and do all sort of things. Like we sign up at an online dating site, post attractive profile pictures taken by a professional, and sometimes we can see results instantly.

However, if we are highly focused, it doesn’t take long before things get a little crazy. In short, it becomes counterintuitive. We repeatedly keep checking our emails for any possible matches; overly think about our responses, reading profile of potential suitors and so forth. In the meantime, even if you get to meet someone, you might feel exhausted and send off negative vibes to a potential suitor.

So, here’s how you can find love without trying too hard and strike a balance between your patience and intentions.

Be Curious

Most of us become curious and interested when one of our friends’ recalls her dating days to us, without thinking too much about what follows next. If you can manage that level of observation and curiousness about your dating life, then you can easily maintain a balance when looking for love. Say, when you get an email, take a subtle approach while taking a look at it, instead of diving into it in a way that it’s your last chance to find love.

Don’t Put Too Much Emphasis in Any One Thing

It’s okay to get excited when you get a match and start imagining all the fun things you both will do together. But, sometimes, you matches can meet other people. They stop responding to your emails or messages. They can fail to meet your expectations in person. Keep in mind that these dates, events, conversations, connections mean nothing and have no impact on your life. Don’t get discouraged and you’ll find someone better.

Meet Real People

Take some time off the screen and pay attention to the real world. Make new friends; indulge yourself with fun and exciting activities, hang out with friends and go to places familiar with singles. Not only this makes your life active and interesting, but it also gives you something to do and enjoy, while looking for your perfect mate online.

Believe In Your Efforts

Believe in yourself and your efforts if you’re disappointed that it’s taking you a long time to find someone you like. Every night remind yourself of all the things you did that day like, you sent a message to one match, initiated a conversation with a new one, spend time with a friend or signed up for a yoga class and so on. Whether big or small, it’s the effort that counts. So relax and congratulate yourself.

The bottom line we won’t be lying if we said most of us found love in places where we least expected it. When we invest our effort, time and money for something good, good things will happen. You just can’t force it to happen. Sometimes, it simply shows up in unexpected ways and times.

Hate Your Date? Here’s Why…

Many of us overthink and tend to obsess about stuff that could otherwise be relatively straightforward. If you think that you are unsure about whether you like the new person, you’ve been dating for some time, and if you want to continue with the relationship, here’s why:

You Have Obsessive or Neurotic Behavior

People who are obsessive or neurotic are indecisive. They make decisions that they constantly doubt about it, and have the tendency to depend on other people overly. Obsessive men and women when they’re in a relationship are always anxious, overthink and don’t have any real peace in their minds. If you’re facing this problem or know someone who behaves this way, it’s advised they talk to a therapist or take medication that can help them reduce their obsessive traits.

You’re Afraid of Intimacy

Some people are reluctant to be in a committed relationship because they had some bad experiences with their past relationships. They’re afraid of intimacy in the relationship thinking that they might get hurt again. They believe that if they fall in deep love with someone new, and if they break up, they can move on. If your previous relationship didn’t work, emotional intimacy could be undesirable to some. If you aren’t sure if you like someone new enough, then it’s because you’re scared to intimacy. Even though, deep down you love the new person you’re currently dating, but your instincts are telling you to back off.

You Have Unrealistic Expectations

Some people doubt their partners because they have unrealistic expectations about relationships. Relationships are anything, but neat, simple and organized. If you’re looking for the right person to be in a loving, long-term relationship, you’ve to leave the fantasy world or all the traits you think you need to see in your future wife or husband. Just focus on the real world with the real person across the table. Talk easily and naturally with the person sitting in front of you during your first dinner date like you’ve known each other for a long time. If you still have doubt, whether if he or she is right for you, then make a decision about how you feel about that individual, not what you think about that person.

If you feel good with your new date and find that things are going nice and smooth, there is little chance you’re overthinking about your date.

You Have a Penchant to Self-Punish

If you believe that the new person you like isn’t right for you, then you might consider if you have a tendency for punishing yourself by not allowing yourself to feel good and relax about your new relationship. If you have a penchant of criticizing yourself and it’s better for you not to get involved in a relationship. Until you give yourself a chance to be joyful in a relationship.

The bottom line is when it comes to relationships; overthinking things will only make it worse and prevent you from being happy and content. Try to break away from this habit, distract yourself from it and focus all of that positive mental energy to make yourself relax and happy.