All posts by Dating Guru

Try These New Year Dating Resolutions To End Your Single Life

Often people tell that New Year resolutions are meaningless and silly. But notice that it’s these pessimistic folks who have made them in the past and failed to honor them. If you’re someone who is organized in making a list and put the effort in achieving them, you’re probably one of those people who get things done efficiently and timely. If you’re single, it is important that you set your dating goals and get to work on your love life, and what’s better to start at the beginning of a new year.

We will discuss three resolutions here; we hope you give at least one a try. So, read on:

First, date at least one new person for the first three months of the year. If you’re still looking for someone, but just don’t have the drive to do it, maybe this will give you some inspiration. If you date at least one person every month, it means that you can date twelve people a year, and hopefully, you’ll find your match there. However, just for any goals or resolutions, it’s better to keep it realistic. What’s the point of keeping promises which you can’t keep? Anyways, we will recommend you stick with dating at least one new person for the first three months of the year. This target is necessary as it keeps you motivated for dating and meeting new people.

Second, have a date with someone at any month of the year, who isn’t your usual type. Suppose, you like tall and blonde women. Just for change go out with a lady who is a brunette, yet not very tall. We understand why most men and women always like to date people who are their type or can relate to. But, it’s important that you expand your “types” category. Dating only individuals who abide by your strict types and preferences will make it harder for you to find a match. Many couples have settled for partners who aren’t their original types because they couldn’t meet someone that fitted their inflexible type codes. So, if you’re still single and looking for a partner, looking for someone that will be a perfect match and type is the last thing you should be doing. The best thing you can do for yourself is to expand your options and to give someone else a shot to be your significant another.

Third, consider adding one new activity or interest into your usual dating schedule. Meeting or hanging out over a cup of coffee or a beer is not bad, but it’s not exciting either. Instead, try doing something different this year. If you’re active and full of energy, do something active and exhilarating that sitting at a coffee table with someone you don’t know. If you’re already dating or in a relationship, doing something active or exciting like a bike ride, skydiving or hiking, will make your relationship fun and successful. And if you had an active date, yet failed to score a relationship, well, you didn’t lose anything.

Going on dates at the beginning of a new year can be a really exciting. So, take some risks, try new things and be kind to yourself. But, for the moment, flirt with women, flirt with men, and get surprised to see the results.

Can a Healthy Marriage Survive Without Sex?

It’s even harder to sustain a marriage than a relationship. One of the biggest reasons most men and women face in their marriages is that couple says that the thrill and spark aren't there anymore. They aren’t excited as they were during the early days of the relationship.

Couples say they tried everything they can to reignite the romance in their marriage, including going to relationship experts and therapists. Some find success to save their marriage, while some become so frustrated they get divorced. Coping with a breakup or a divorce is hard, and some men and women never get over their past relationships and move on. They don’t try to date anymore and get involved in new relationships. They become disappointed, depressed and hopeless about their lives.

Sex is one main reason for the demise of marriages and relationships. As the relationship matures over time, couples don’t feel attracted to their partners like before. They don’t feel the sparks anymore. So, is possible for a couple to stay together when the thrill is gone?

Though experts believe that sex is important to keep the couples together, it is also possible to maintain a long-lasting relationship without sex. Marriage and family therapist Dr. Paul Hokemeyer says that as couples mature sex becomes overhyped and overrated. He says real and lasting happiness and pleasure can only come from a deep and genuine emotional connection with another person. When sex becomes irregular in a relationship then the only way to keep it healthy is through trust, respect, laughter and vulnerability between the spouses. In fact, in a mature relationship, emotional connection is more vital than physical intimacy.

While sexual intensity and intimacy may keep the relationship alive at the beginning, it needs to complement with emotional intimacy over time. To give a perspective on the subject, people who are indulging in casual sex may have great sex and enjoy their time without being emotional close to their dates. But, eventually, they will feel empty and lonely, which they won’t have if they were in an emotionally satisfying relationship that doesn’t have sex.

However, sexless relationships or infrequent sex in new relationships might have problems. Sex nurtures the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of a relationship. If a situation arises like if one partner in a relationship is enjoying sex more than the other, then detrimental feelings can appear between the partner such as sadness, anger, and resentment. The key to making sexless marriage or relationship function is communication. Both partners must be okay with it. If both partners believe that their togetherness and shared values are more important than having physical intimacy, then the relationship can survive and can even thrive.

If couples can redefine the importance of sex, sexual intimacy and emotional connection among themselves, then a relationship can overcome sexual challenges. The emotional intimacy and bond between the partners can also strengthen in the process. If intimacy and trust have been established between without sexually satisfying either partner, it’s possible to have a healthy and happy relationship without sex.

Why are we Constantly in the Wrong Relationships?

Two people come close to each other, they love each other, and either the relationships thrives and last, or it ends. If the relationship ends, the two partners get over and move on. Later, they get involved with someone else, and the circle continues. But, do all relationships work this way?

We find couples who remain in unhappy marriages for over 25 years, while there are happily married couples for more than three decades. Then, we know people who break up with their partners every three months or so, only to find them in a new relationship that more or less last the same period. So, why do people have relationships with people not right for them?

People don’t like to change. They like to remain with the familiar. It doesn’t matter if it’s an ex-boyfriend, your parents, your brother or sister – no matter how dysfunctional or crazy they seem to see, you somehow managed to live alongside them. You don’t get disturbed by it. You take pride that despite all the craziness in your family, love life, and even your own life, you managed to keep your sanity intact. You have mastered it, survived it, and even made yourself comfortable with it. So, when you meet someone with a similar background, you naturally feel attracted to him or her. Keeping all rational thoughts aside, the reason you’re with someone not right for you is that you believe that this person satisfies a subconscious need in you. If you’re dealing with boredom, depression or frustrated, a “drama queen or king” makes you feel cheerful and alive, even though you know it’s a disaster.

So, you might ask, why do some men and women stay in dysfunctional relationships? There are some reasons for it.

  • Co-dependency. When you knowingly start having a relationship with someone not right for you, you get attached to his or her drama. Everyone can see how this is creating a tremendous loss to your relationship, but you still decide to stay because you’re getting a great hidden psychological stimulation out of the relationship. It is similar to the effects your brain has when you take drugs.

  • Low confidence and self-esteem. One big reason people tend to stay in unhappy relationships is of poor confidence and self-esteem. Many men and women think it’ better to be with someone not right for them than being single or alone. To them, it’s easier to deal with wrong relationships, than coping with depression and anxiety associated with loneliness.

  • Abuse. Men and women who are abused by their partners think that it’s because of their own faults that they’re being abused. If your partner is abusive to you, you blame yourself for it, even after you realize that it has nothing to do with you. Persistent abuse makes you exhausted emotionally, making you helpless to do anything about it.

We can opt ourselves from bad relationships if we stop thinking the situation will get better, and seek support from people around us especially friends and family. We all want to have happy and satisfying relationships with our girlfriends and boyfriends, and if we find ourselves in bad relationships, whatever the reasons are, seek help.

Six Signs You Are Committing Emotional Infidelity With Your Partner

Most of us are friends with the opposite sex from work, close friends or just casual acquaintances. Sometimes we can get close to them due to various reasons and do the unimaginable thing, which can wreck havoc on our relationships. The question is how close you can be with the opposite sex when you’re in a romantic relationship. Read on to find out:

1. You dress up for him or her.
When you buy new clothes or decide to change your hairstyle, you keep on thinking how he or she will react to it. We aren’t talking about your partner here, but it’s the other person you’re thinking to impress. If this is the case, then it’s danger sign.

2. You lie to your romantic partner about seeing him or her.
When you just meet him or her over a cup of coffee or sometimes talk over the phone, you don’t mention it to your significant another. You like spending more time with him or her than you would usually do more than your partner. You stay home a lot. You have long nights at the office. You don’t eat properly. All you think how to spend more time with him or her. When your partner asks where you have or what’s up with you lately, you lie. You don’t want your partner to know anything about it.

3. You do extraordinary things for him or her.
You like to something special for him or her, which you normally won’t do with your significant other or other people like friends. You give him that cute card that telling how lucky you’re to have him in your life; you give rare gifts you won’t give to your girlfriend, you share all the great moments of your last vacation with him and so forth. There is nothing wrong here, but what are your exact intentions about all these gestures? Friendship? We don’t think so.

4. Your phone is always busy with your non-significant other.
You become impatient to surreptitiously check your phone to read the latest text from him or her. You chat with your non-significant other on Facebook most of the time. You partner complains that he or she finds your phone busy when they call you. You struggle to communicate with your secret admirer and your real partner. You get excited when he or she calls you, and keep anticipating their next call or text. It’s an indication if trouble in both of your relationships.

5. You think about him or her all the time.
You daydream with this person more than your partner. You always romanticize about how it will be with him or her on your side. You smile and laugh more with your non-significant other than your spouse. It looks you feel happier and have more fun with him or her. You like and prefer it.

6. You compare your non-significant other to your partner.
Comparing a person with someone else generates judgment. Judgment can be good or bad. You keep comparing your secret lover with your partner, and you feel about it. You feel that your non-significant other understands your needs and feelings more than your partner. You compare it with your spouse, and it makes you feel wrong in some way. It is a big red flag in your relationship.

Overall, all these signs show that either you can’t emotionally or sexually satisfy your partner, or just unhappy with your relationship, but are too afraid to end it. If you don’t stop cheating emotionally with your partner, it can lead to a full-blown cheating that will consequently jeopardize your relationship.

Think Before Saying ‘I Love You’

In relationships, who do you is more likely to say, “I love you”? Men or women? Who’s first? Most people will probably say, women. Well, it’s true the ladies were first to confess to their partners that they love them. A study done by Ackerman, Griskevicius, & Li found that 64 percent of women are likely to tell their partners, “I love you,” within two months of being in a relationship. The study reiterates the stereotype that the ladies are more interested in love and relationships than men, so that’s why women are more likely to confess their feelings quickly.

That doesn't mean that men aren’t interested in professing their love to their partners. When it comes to real relationships, it's men who are more likely to declare their feelings first! It’s also been found that men take around three months to profess their love to their partners, while women start thinking about saying their partners they love after dating for five months. Researchers suggest this happens because of women’s physiological and evolutionary characteristics such as childbearing, nurturing abilities, etc. are more valuable. Therefore, women have no issues to wait to confess their love to their partners. Also, women are choosier about whom they like to date and who they like to physically intimate.

Now, let’s move on sexual intimacy and love. Researchers told that men felt more happiness and emotionally positive if their partners said they love them before having sex. They also felt that the confessions were more honest and heartfelt if said before sexual intimacy. These findings were especially true for guys who are looking for casual or short-term sexual relationships rather than committed and long-term relationships. To these people, hearing the words, “I love you” meant more to them emotionally before sex indicating that their partners were also interested in having sex with them.

For women, it’s the opposite. Women felt more happiness and emotionally positive if their partners told they love them after having sex. This feeling of happiness and satisfaction is related with romantic excitement, particularly, for people who are looking for committed and long-term relationships than casual or short-term sexual relationships. Women think that if their partners told them they love them before being physically intimate with them, they assume that the man is less sincere and trustworthy.

For relationships where couples have already engaged in sexual activity, both men and women believed that the best time to declare their feelings and love for each was between three to six months. Meanwhile, if men and women are dating and they still haven’t had sex, they thought the appropriate time to profess their love to their partners would be a month earlier into the relationship given the same time frame.

Love and relationships can be messy and confusing sometimes. Whether you’re looking a casual sexual relationships or a long-term relationship, saying “I love you,” to the person you love is an individual decision that depends on many factors including relationship goals, timing, personal feelings, and so on. So, think long and hard before you say, “I love you!”

Is Your Anxiety Stopping You From Finding Love?

Dating can be an intimidating experience for some people. And for men and women who are anxious, it’s even worse. Anxious people have difficulty in coping with uncertainty. And what’s more uncertain than dating. You’re getting to know each other, and you can know if there’s a connection or not. You’re nervous if he or she will call you for a second date or whether he or she likes you or not.

Because of your anxiety, you shut yourself from going on dates or meeting new people, shelving your plans to be in a relationship, get married, have a family and so on. Your anxiety compels you to criticize yourself and question your ability to face your fears and insecurities. Sometimes you get so overwhelmed with your anxiety that you forget to focus on your feelings, which can affect your chances to connect with a person emotionally, even if you’ve been on a few dates.

Another difficulty anxious men and women face is that there is too much pressure on dates. There is an unwritten rule to be funny, engaging enough to keep the conversation going, asking a question about each other, etc. All these prevent anxious folks to be themselves on dates. Instead, it would have been much better if both parties ask questions about each other. It will relieve some pressure from him or her, and they can pay more attention to getting to know their dates, their interests, their queries, and so on.

Another thing anxious dater get stressed about is the outcome of the date. Has something gone wrong? Let’s get this right. What will be the worst possible outcome of this date? Maybe they didn’t enjoy the date or simply not interested in you. Maybe he or she will judge you harshly or reject you. Now ask yourself, it this happens to you, will everything around you keep crashing on you? Is this the end of your life? Of course not. Just because a guy or a girl wasn’t attracted to you, and didn’t find any chemistry with you, doesn’t mean that you should stop dating. When a date doesn’t click, it doesn’t click, simple. There is simply nothing wrong with you and your date.

Now, let’s talk about something fun. Imagine you had a great date. You enjoyed your time, learned all lot about yourself you never knew off, and share some common interests, hobbies and life goals with your date. You have got more confident. You became more self-conscious about your abilities. Who knows, you started to think this person is right for you to be in a committed, long-lasting relationship.

After all, dating in all its glory is filled with uncertainty. There is no way of telling anyone that love is waiting for them and someday they will be in relationships. If you’re looking for a woman or man to love, but keep thinking that your anxiety is holding you back, then confront it. Remember, with practice comes perfection. You’ll get over your anxiety if you keep on dating and sooner or later you’ll become better at it. And the chances of you falling in love will be better.

Five Signs That Shows You Are Trying Too Hard On Online Dating

Some people get overwhelmed with anxiety when it comes to writing their online dating profiles. Instead of describing yourself who you really are, your profile turns into a sales and marketing tool. One common mistake men and women make in writing their online dating profile in a way that is making themselves seem to be desperate and trying too hard. It’s not a good sign.

These are the five ways in which a person appears to be trying too hard to be attractive to others. Read on to find more:

1. Being too funny.
True, everyone loves a sense of humor, but that doesn’t mean that you have to crack a joke or write a sarcastic statement on every third or fourth line of your profile. You don’t need to tell people that you’re the king or queen of comedy. Being too funny can actually turn off some of your potential suitors, so keep an eye on that. While most people do have an average sense of humor, he or she might feel outclassed if they think their potential partners are like professional comedians such as Sarah Silverman or Jay Leno.

2. Being too sarcastic. Most folks assume that being funny or sarcastic are same. But, it’s not. Funny is good, but being sarcastic can offend people. The fact is men and women try to be sarcastic in their profiles to appear defensive. See, when people feel nervous, insecure or anxious about getting rejected, they try their best to look bold, strong and sarcastic, thinking that it may boost their confidence. But, what actually happens is people get put off by your excessive sarcastic attitude.

3. Being too intelligent.
It’s perfectly fine if you want to remind yourself and your potential suitors about your intelligence. But, it’s not normal if you keep boasting about your IQ or SAT scores on the first date with someone. In reality, most men and women like to date someone who has average or above average levels of intelligence. Being overly intelligent or smart in your dating profile can scare away a lot of people fearing that he or she is out of their league.

4. Being too successful. You won’t make people interested in your profile if you’re professionally or financially successful. Most men and women are trying to be content with what they have. Regardless of your wealth or career, it has no real effect on your profile. If you’re a cashier, don’t be ashamed; only tell that you work at the local Walmart. If you’re a CEO, don’t brag or intimidate people, instead, tell them you’re managing a company. Don’t spend too much time explaining to people about your profession or what you do for a living unless they like to know.

5. Being too cool.
If you like to ruin your chance to find a partner online, then being too cool will do it for you. If you make people think that you’re the most-liked, you make people feel alive, you’re the life of the party, it’s actually making people think that you’re overly image-conscious or duplicitous. Don’t try to be someone you aren’t.

Whether you’re young or a veteran, if you’re looking for a woman or man, try writing your online dating profile in a way that reflects who you really are in person. Creating your dating profile shouldn’t have to stressful process.

You’re Never Too Late To Be In Love, Here’s Why!

Regardless of how old you are, how many wrong decisions you’ve made in the past, or how much you’ve waited to be in a relationship – being in love is your birthright. Often people say that there is a certain age to fall in love or you can’t be in love after a certain age, or you’re just too old to be in love! These comments aren’t only hurtful; they’re lies.

All the time folks say that we should be lucky to have found each other. That might be true to some people given the fact we all mistakes while dating and in relationships, and unless for ‘luck,' our partners won’t have stayed with us, and we would have been miserable and alone. If you want to love just for the sake of it, let me say love isn’t about who you are, but who you’ve been in this world. Instead of looking for the perfect men or women, who aren’t superficial or chasing you for your money, focus on yourself. Try to understand what you really want, what’s going inside of you, and how it’s affecting the decisions that you make in your daily life.

Here are some tips to follow that will help you create love at any age in your life:

Forget the Past

If you’ve bad experience with your past relationships or broken up with your ex, and always have a space for him or her to fill, you won’t find love quickly. Keep in mind that your former lovers can only get into that space if there’s one for him or her. So, that space should be removed. If you haven’t still got over your ex or reminiscing about your past relationships, it will only make it difficult for you to move one and find someone new. So, forget the past, forgive yourself, forgive your exes, and move on.

Envision Your Ideal Relationship

You can get what your desire if you don’t know what you want. You much have a clear vision of how a relationship works and how you feel if you’re with this person. We are referring to the emotional connection between two people in a relationship, not how tall he is, what his career is, how much money he has, etc. Take a good look at the list of the qualities and values that drives and motivates you in a relationship and see if it relates to the kind of relationship you desire.

Take Different Actions

If you want something you never had before, you’ve to do something you haven’t done before. Try online dating for a change, go to parties and events where singles hang out, take some cooking classes, join a gym, etc.

Finally, age doesn’t matter at all when you’re looking for a woman to love. If you believe in yourself that you have a chance to meet someone and start a relationship, you can do it. You have the desire to be in love because your heart isn’t fulfilled by it. So, get out there and find someone to love!

Is There Such Thing As Having a Fairy-tale Relationship?

We often hear stories of people, particularly women who get very infatuated with men they know barely know. They daydream about them, about the dates they’ll have, fairly tale romance and even an outrageous fairly tale wedding. And when the time comes to meet them in person, they get shocked and disillusioned after realizing that the man isn’t like anything they imagined. It’s okay and sometimes fun to imagine a beautiful romantic relationship as long as it doesn’t overwhelm or consume you that make you dismiss other potential suitors who are interested in you.

I think it’s important to move ahead and not dwell on the past for too long, in case your expectations of the guy you dreamed of aren’t met. All we can tell them that to accept the fact that the whole fairy tale relationship was only an illusion. It is hurtful, but the best thing to do now is to get over it and learn from the experience.

So, what can we do in the future to have a more realistic expectation from our potential partners? If you like someone, ask them out for a date. It doesn't have to be something very planned and details, just go out for a coffee. Don’t expect your dates to be perfect and spectacular until you get to know them well and who are really inside and out. Ensure that you’re valuable and deserve all the great things; life has to offer, including a real romantic relationship and emotional connection.

Remember, he’s just a guy. There are a plenty of guys out there like him. And here’s the fun part, you can have a loving, healthy relationship with one of them, and it will be much more fulfilling and exciting. Expect that your man will be ‘Mr. Perfect’, but also keep in mind that he’s just human. People aren’t perfect. We all have flaws. So, don’t get surprised that your date will have some flaws. Decide which flaws can you live with and which ones you can’t. Look for someone who has interests and values that complement your personal interests, values, and opinions.

It’s a bad idea to put all of your eggs in one basket. Even though some people don’t like, date several men at the same time and take your time to get to know them. Don’t get involved with them in any seriously way soon. Relax and stay at the moment. Dating multiple men at the same time will help you meet you like quickly and then dating one person for some time and later finding out that he isn’t right for you.

Overall, it’s important to self-reflect and ask yourself why you’ve spent so much of your time and energy living in a dream romance, instead of meeting someone real and go on actual dates. Ask yourself do you feel insecure about real-life relationships? Are you afraid that you’ll get rejected if someone sees the real you? When you truly understand yourself, know who you really are, what are your needs, and accept who and where we are, it helps us to unveil a new chapter in our lives. So, make yourself available, be proactive, be confident, meet someone real and be in a real relationship.

Four Ways To Cope With Dating Exhaustion

Dating isn’t always fun. It’s hard, it’s discouraging, and sometimes it can be exhausting. The good thing is you aren’t alone. Many men and women find dating exhausting and its okay as it’s a part of the process. There are many ways to deal with dating burnout. However, the first thing you need to do is to ask yourself if you’re emotionally in a good place for dating, because if you aren’t then dating burnout will happen to you much quickly. Here are the four ways to deal dating exhaustion:

1. Acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’ve to cope living alone for the rest of your life. It means that you’ve to put some effort to find someone right for you. Here, acceptance means you’ve acknowledged how things currently are in your life now – that is accepting the fact that you’ve still haven’t found someone to be in a relationship for various reasons. Acceptance is all about being fine with how things are now. You don’t have to love it always, but you can’t deny the facts either.

2. Take a breath and relax. Dating Burnout means that you need to make some temporary changes in your life, even if it’s minor. If you’ve been dating for a while and didn’t able to be in a relationship, maybe it’s time that you take a short break from the dating scene. Take a week or two, relax and enjoy some time off from dating and from engaging in any new relationship. Sometimes it feels very refreshing when you get stuck in a rut, and things do work as expected. It takes some pressure off and helps to shed some negativity in your life.

3. Justify your emotions. If you’ve dating for a while and failed to engage in a relationship, it can be frustrating and exhausting. You start to feel negative about the whole dating activity. It’s perfectly reasonable to be pessimistic about dating as doing so just validates your own emotional experience. So, don’t blame or beat yourself up for not being successful in finding a partner, rather acknowledge the painful emotions that follow. However, remind yourself that all of these negative emotions like sadness, anger, loneliness, are temporary and they will go away.

4. Be kind to yourself. It’s normal for most men and women who can score a relationship after going to many dates, to assume that there is something wrong with them. You keep saying yourself that you’re full of flaws, and you’ll die alone. We understand why might be thinking that way, but be assured that there isn’t anything wrong with you. It’s just that you still haven’t met the right person yet, and you just have to wait. Sometimes it takes the time to meet the perfect woman or a man, and we encourage you not to give up on love.

Remember, the world is full of amazing men and women, who are still looking for their significant other. They’re all looking for one right woman or a man who will bring a lot of difference in their lives. So, you should never give up your hope for falling in love no matter how exhausted you’re from dating.