Category Archives: Breakups

How to Know When to Break Up Relationship

sadnessLet’s admit it: breaking up sucks!

You have been in a relationship for a few months or even years—but now you feel the relationship has lost steam lately. Now, questions keep popping up in your mind like, “Do I want to be in this relationship?” or “Do I need to break up to be happy?” The fact is, breaking up isn’t easy and factors that go into making this decision aren’t always black and white.

According to Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, a marriage and couples therapist says only 5 percent of couples end their relationship with a 100 percent conviction, while the rest have reached their decisions after struggling for months and even years. Most these couples or looking for a cause or want to their partners to call it off. Some couples are waiting for something very atrocious like cheating to happen, in which there aren’t any option isn’t left but ending the relationship for good.

If you think that there is no future in the relationship, then perhaps it’s best to break up. Here are five factors that will let you know if it’s time to end the relationship.

You Prefer To Be Alone

There are sometimes when all you want to be alone instead of being with your partner. Well, it’s perfectly reasonable if this happens once a while. We all want some space in our lives. But if you feel like this most of the time, and make excuses to be away from your partner, or makes plans on purpose, then it’s a problem. If you feel that you’re totally fine and don’t want to spend time with your partner, then you should consider breaking up.

You Feel Unhappy When You’re With Your Partner

If you think you aren’t happy like before and spend too much time complaining to your friends and others about your spouse, then time have come for you to move on. Remember, it’s not your partner's responsibility to make you happy, but being together in a relationship should make you happy.

You Aren’t Having Fun

If you and your partner are always arguing and fighting even over trivial matters all the time, then it’s a clear indication that you two need to break up. A relationship can’t blossom on arguing with your partner. It can only flourish and advance if both of you are having fun (like going to parties or concerts) and enjoying each other’s company.

You’ve felt this in Other Relationships

If you think you have been falling for the wrong person again and again, and breaking up for this, then you should consider taking therapy. Therapy will help you in identifying relational pattern problems and using those patterns to stay or end a relationship. If you see that this pattern isn’t good for your well-being or your life, then you can end a relationship.

You Can’t Forget the little or Big Things
In the beginning, you tolerated that your partner leaves their clothes all over the place, or drinks too much, thinking that they would change as the relationship advances. But over time, if you find that you are unable or tolerate certain behaviors, and going to resent them, then it's time to end the relationship.

There is some truth to the saying that some relationships are worth holding onto. We aren’t denying that and always say communication is the key when it comes to salvaging troubled relationships. When that doesn’t bear any results, then breaking up is the only option.


Breakups Aren’t That Hard You Think

beach-1846233_960_720We all can agree on one thing: Breakups are painful. A study has found that people who recently had breakups when looking at pictures of their ex-partners have the same brain activity as those who are in physical pain. Ending a relationship with a partner is more like losing a close friend. They have known you better than anyone else; you have both shared and enjoyed wonderful feelings and emotions, and memorable experiences with them.

Now, that you are ending things with him/her makes you very upset and lost. What’s even worse is that you can no longer call that person for comfort and support if you’re going through a bad time.

No matter how gut-wrenching these breakups feel, researchers say that breakups might be easier than you think and newly single people will move on sooner than they think. This is according to Dr. Paul Eastwick, who conducted a questionnaire survey of students who are in a relationship for at least two weeks. In the survey, the participants indicated how much in love were they with their partners and how sad would they feel if they ended the relationship.

Every other week the participants would receive new questionnaires and each time they were asked if they were still with their partners. Students who broke up in the meantime had their distress levels measured in a specially designed assessment system. For example, the participants were asked how much they agreed with statements like, “I’m pretty happy these days,” and “I’m very upset that my relationship ended.”

The researchers concluded that the students who said that they were in love with their boyfriends or girlfriends at the beginning of the experiment weren’t good at predicting how distressed they would be after the breakup. But later they found that it was much easier to deal with the breakup than they thought it would be.

Many of us assume that breakups are harder on the victim, rather on the person who initiated to end things, but that’s not the case. Dr. Eastwick’s research has found that participants who decided to end the relationship also felt as bad as those who didn’t. The main difference was, the people who ended the relationship predicted their recovery time accurately, while the victims of the breakup thought they would worse off than they were. However, all of the participants agreed on one thing that the pain of the breakup will gradually reduce in time, and they were correct. All this point that it’s true that breakups are painful but recovering from this unfortunate event isn’t as hard and takes less time which most people didn’t anticipate.

The bottom line is knowing when to breakup is as important as deciding when to get involved in a relationship. There isn’t any relationship that didn’t go hard times and breaking up is just a part of the deal. After all, there is hardly any point in wasting time on something that’s won’t make us happy or feel worthy in our life.


Clear Hints You Are Not Wanted Anymore

Sometimes we are so much attracted to a person that we find them the most amazing person on this planet Earth. Completely obsessed, we just start relying a little too much on that person. But we receive not the same in response or sometimes nothing at all.

Sometimes when someone feels like that you are becoming too clingy, they will try to move away from you and find somebody else for themselves who are little less possessive. They would like to replace you if you are holding on to them too tightly. This is the time when you should step a back and stop involving yourself in such a relationship that is one-sided.

Some signs indicate you are pushing on someone too much who is not interested in you or might be possible they seriously feel like getting away from you as quickly as they could. So if you see the below-mentioned signs do not humiliate yourself and back off instantly.

  • They do not reply to your text:

If you are sending them messages and you are not getting replies, then this is being done intentionally. The more you are going to text them the more they will get annoyed, so it is better to keep your phone away and move on!

  • They have stopped hanging out anymore:

If you all spend time together and all of a sudden they stopped hanging out with the group. Moreover, tell everyone that next time you won’t be available and if they appear at the time you are skipped then this is a clear sign that they are avoiding you.

  • They pretend that they have not seen you:

It was obvious that they have seen you and you are also sure about it, but they do not wave you back or just do not wait to catch up, then they definitely want to get rid of you.

  • They are always too “busy”:

Each time you ask them out, their only response is that “Gee! I am busy”. Well, I guess it is time to open your eyes and start looking for someone who is not busy at all for you.

  • They keep on making excuses:

If you catch them lying about what they are doing then finally the time has arrived to find somebody else for you.

  • Feeling of being replaced:

When you see them with another person when they said that they cannot get together, then they might have replaced you.

  • People start to roll their eyes when you ask about them:

When you ask about them from their friends, and they roll their eye as they want to ask you that you still did not have the idea that they do not want you in their lives.

  • You are omitted from their invitation list:

If you are wondering that why you have not received a weekend party or birthday party invitation, then the truth might be is that you have been omitted from their list of the people who are to be invited to the party.

You cannot force any relationship just to happen to you. And where you feel like that you are being ignored and the other person wants to get away from you, it is better to stop yourself right there and then.


Relationship Arguments – Do’s And Don’ts To Remember

The argument in a relationship is a very common practice. A petty fight over misunderstanding and confusions is pretty natural. However, you may find certain couples who understand each other completely and rarely indulge in any sort of an argument.

Getting involved in an argument does not mean that you are a bad partner or your partner is not worth living with, the point that really matters is that how well you end up this argument.

In the first place, it is better to avoid arguments as it takes away your inner peace. Your mind got stuck, and it makes you depressed and tense. Eventually, these arguments turn up into ego wars that may end up in losing each other.

On the other hand, healthy arguments will help you sort out the issues and brings you closer. It may also prevent the new fight from coming up.

Dos to remember in an argument

Do try to calm down:

Anger only knows how to mess up the relationship. So if you feel extremely angry, just sit in silence for a few minutes and then communicate with each other respectfully without raising your voices.

Do try to communicate:

Do you want to fix things right? Why hurt your partner with harsh wordings? Avoid shouting and communicate in a proper way without hurting them badly by using cruel and unkind words. Make your partner understand your point of view and get the things back on track.

Do apologize:

Where you see that you were wrong, gulp down your pride and tell your partner that you are sorry. Even if it was not your fault and your partner comes to you to say sorry, do tell them that you are sorry too as you misunderstood and lost your temper.

Always makeup after a fight:

Although arguments are mostly unavoidable but, this does not mean that you start to misbehave and forget how much you love each other. After every argument just remember to walk back and hug each other. There is no need to say anything a warm hug can say it all.

Don’ts to remember in an argument

  • Don’t be silent in an argument. When your partner asks for an answer, do not sit quietly and prefer giving a response.
  • Do not ever raise your hand. This happens when you probably know that you are wrong and you do not want to accept your defeat.
  • After a fight, do not ignore your partner especially when they plead for your attention.
  • Do not ever threat your partner about leaving or breaking up in the middle of the argument.
  • If you see that you are losing an argument, then do not try to bring up the old issues just to defeat your partner, after all, this is not a war going on.
  • Never ever compare your partner with somebody else. It hurts badly
  • Do not involve any third person. If you and the third person make the team, your partner will definitely feel betrayed.
  • Do not say anything to the partner that emotionally hurts their feelings and demoralize them.
  • Don’t deny that you are angry. Just say it. By denying and ignoring will not let you confront the issue.

While dealing with the arguments in your relationship, keep these dos and don’ts in mind to just prevent yourself from a major mishap. Don’t be silent in an argument. When your partner asks for an answer, do not sit quietly and prefer giving a response.

 


How to Know For Sure That Your Partner Is Cheating

There is nothing more painful than finding out your partner has been cheating on you behind your back. According to a study, it’s been reported that 50 percent of men and 85 percent of women were proven right about the suspecting that their better halves have been unfaithful to them. Sometimes the signs that your partner has been cheating on you are clear in front of you. But, the allegations are dismissed because the signs are very subtle or your partner has denied them.

So, here are some signs that you can easily spot if your partner has been cheating on you, or in case you have been missing them.

  • This one is a classic. You will find hairs, lipstick marks or traces of makeup on his clothes, and on car seats.
  • You will find a sudden change in the way your partner looks. He changed his haircut, wearing new perfumes or colognes, and new clothes. You will also notice your partner going to the gym more often, started eating more healthy and brimming with confidence.
  • People who are cheating don’t want to know their new partners that they are married, so they remove their wedding rings.
  • People who are having affairs will change their usual work and home schedules, without any apparent cause. They are hard to reach over the phone, their partners see them less, they are being late at work, or doing overtimes.
  • They have no interest in family affairs, and even if they did, they are somewhat indifferent or pay little or no attention.
  • People, who are cheating on their spouse, often feel guilty that they are betraying their partner's trust. So, they seem to show more affection to their wives or husbands more than usual, treating them very nicely, taking them to dinners and buying them gifts.
  • Suddenly, they are asking to be more social, encouraging you to go outside, make new friends, and socialize with your family members and friends. Before, they didn’t even ask you, let alone encourage you.
  • They are not interested or reluctant to have sex with their partners and even if they did they appear not seeming to enjoy it.
  • You will find condoms or birth control pills in their car dashboards, purses or pockets. Besides, in some cases, they will have them both.
  • You find your partner feeling uncomfortable looking you in the eyes, don’t want to around you or spend time with you. They feel guilty of what they are doing, so they don’t to have a conversation with you, in case you ask them what’s wrong. Besides, they avoid to attending social events like weddings, dinner parties, etc. for the same reasons.
  • A cheating partner will have a new phone hidden from you. Even if they use the same phone, they will change the password or use a complex password one, so that you can access it when they are away. If you partner is cheating you will notice he/she receive calls or text message from unknown persons, but they will avoid answering the call in front of you. They also keep clearing their call and text history more often. You will also notice they will have a have new email account if you dig deeper.

So, there you have it, a few signs that will help to find out if your partner is cheating. However, remember, these indications are just assumptions, not absolutes.


Signs It Is Finally Time To Start Dating Again

Heartbroken, badly hurt! Are you ready to get back to the dating world? There comes a time when you realize that you have been out of the relationship for so long. Although when that nasty relationship was over, you would have decided not to get back into it till the end of time, after sometimes you have started reconsidering it again.

I have seen people out there who get themselves caught up in their lives as singles and completely lost themselves in their work. And then there are a few of them who stick themselves to the past for long. They still miss their ex and do not let anyone enter their lives. And for such people, I would say, Please Move on!!

Well besides what your friends want you to do is to get back on the dating track again; some other signs are the clear indications for you to step back in the dating world.

You do not remember your last date

Trying to think about your last date that when did you have one? Are you completely blank? You don’t remember when you went on your last date; then it is the time that you must think about going on another one. No doubt after having the relationship that made you miserable for some time, you needed a break, but now I guess it is the time to rethink and plan another date.

You have forgotten all about your ex

When you do not think about your ex anymore, then this is one of the biggest signs that you should start considering to go out on another date. When you do not hold any feelings or anger against your ex then move on, find a new one, plan a new date, start a new life.

You started liking the idea of going out

After break ups, usually, when asking someone to go out for dinner or something, you never like the idea. But after some time if someone asks you out or you feel like asking someone out then this is the sign that you should prefer going back to the world of dating.

Knowing about the kind of person you want to date

Some people have no idea that what kind of a person they want to move on with. But if you are clear in your mind and heart that what sort of a person you need and you want to spend your time with then you are all set to go beyond to where you have stopped yourself.

Dating for the right reasons

Some people date for free movies, dinners, and other stuff. Such people are not at all serious. They are just passing their time. But if you want to involve yourself in a relationship and think about having someone as your true partner then this is one more clear signs that are thinking about going back.

You truly feel ready

Only you know what you feel, think or need. If you feel no hesitation in saying “Yes” if someone asks you out then you truly are ready for taking a fresh start again.

Determine the above-mentioned signs and if signals are signifying that you need to go back to the dating world, then tie up your laces and step in.


8 Top Signs You Should Not Marry Him

You think you love your man. You both have been in a relationship; now you have decided to get married. You believe your man wants to get married. He says all and does all the right things, yet you begin to find that there is no match between his words and actions. You boyfriend tells that he respects you, but most of the time dismisses your opinions.

Now, you begin to doubt that if this is the man you want to marry! Some women say they can change their boyfriends after getting married, but the truth is personalities cannot be changed. Here are eight behavioral traits you cannot change or fix in a man:

1. You find him to be very controlling. He wants to be a boss in every situation like if you want to a park, he will insist on going to a restaurant. This clearly proves that he wants to have complete control of your relationship, but a real loving relationship doesn’t have that.

2. He has a condescending demeanor, and it drives you mad. He always makes the final say in all matters. There is no hierarchy in a loving relationship. His opinions and attitudes cannot be better than yours.

3. You find him to be narcissistic. People who are narcissistic believe that they are better and superior to you and have little to no regard for other people’s feelings. If you find your future husband is narcissistic, it better to end the relationship right away. Simple as that.

4. He supports bullying attitudes. Everyone hates a bully. But, the truth is bullying is also present in relationships and marriages. He will push you around and will always control and won’t let be out from his shadow. If that’s the case, it’s time to breakup with him.

5. He is manipulative. He treats you like his puppet. He always attempts to manipulate your feelings, actions, behaviors, and even your future aspirations. This is one precarious form of control. You don’t want that kind of person to be your future husband.

6. He never keeps his promises. He promised you a birthday present; he didn’t deliver it. He told to take you to a romantic dinner; he didn’t. The thing is your man has promised a lot of stuff to do, but in the end, he has a hard time honoring them.

7. You find that your boyfriend cannot be trusted. The key for a loving and long-lasting marriage is TRUST. Marriage will only survive through all good and bad times, only if both people in a relationship trust one another completely. If you don’t find your boyfriend doesn’t seem trustworthy to you, leave the relationship right away.

8. He has trouble with his finances. Because one of the primary reasons for divorces is related to financial woes, it’s important for you to marry someone who is responsible with his finances and doesn’t have any massive outstanding debts. Some signs are he’s out of work most of the time, he gambles, and buy stuff he doesn’t need or use, or you pay the bills most of the time.

So, there you have it, these eight behavioral characteristics are very real and define a person. Actions are related to personality, and you cannot change people’s personalities. Taking heed of these behavioral characteristics could save you from a marriage that is full of distress, unhappiness, and even danger.


Forgiving Your Ex is Important to Move on after a Breakup

Where there are relationships, there will be breakups. Every day many men and women decide to let go of the relationships that weren’t ideal for them. How well their next relationship will end depends on what will these newly single men and women tell themselves about their previous relationships and their exes. A crucial step to moving on after a breakup is forgiving their ex-partners and not being angry at what they did or said that led the relationship to end. If you don’t let go of the anger and forgive, you will find it difficult to move on.

These four steps that will help you in the process of forgiving your ex and let go of your anger:

Be Sure You Clearly Understand What Angered You Most About Your Ex

Of the emotions, anger is by far the most underrated. Most people are afraid of their angriness, and scared those if they are upset; it will cause them to lose control emotionally and will lead people to think that they are “mentally imbalanced,” or “crazy.” However, anger comes naturally from within us and automatically with any relationship, even in the best ones. After breaking up, take hold of your anger and recall why did your former partner do that made your angry the most? Or what things did he or she do that made me neglected, humiliated or betrayed?

Channel Your Anger into Words

Only thinking about your anger won’t help you enough in the healing process after a breakup. You have to channel all that anger into writing. Write down a few lines of the worse upsetting events with your ex in a journal and store in your closet. Writing about your thoughts is very effective because it helps to organize your feelings into small thought fragments that stick in your mind. Read what you wrote in your journal now and then, and the notes will act like an old friend consoling, supporting and assuring you if you start missing your ex. Or simply reminiscing the good and the bad times you had with your ex.

Find What Have You to Learn From Your Past Relationship

After a breakup, people often feel overwhelmed by the sense of loss, sadness, emptiness and failure. You should get rid of your anger and negative feelings by any means, so that you can move on and embark on a new relationship with a positive emotional outlook. To say goodbye to your anger and sad feelings after a breakup, focus all your mental energy to figure out what are you supposed to learn from the demise of your previous relationship. Once you understand that the relationship had to end, and then only you learned a valuable lesson. You will feel more confident towards your ex and won’t feel hard forgive him or her.

What Should You Tell People When Asked About Your Ex-Partner

When you have a breakup and start to move on, people will wonder what went wrong with your ex. Instead of bad-mouthing your anger, tell them, you both were solid at first, but then something went wrong, and you both tried the best to fix it. But then you both found out there is no future in this relationship. So, now you both learned your lessons and trying to move on.

So there you have it, we know breakups are painful, and they aren’t anybody fault. After all, our ex-partners are in fact more like northern stars, directing us towards new people that will make us happy and be better partners to us in the future.


Signs That He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

There is nothing more painful and worse than the feeling of losing the love of your life. He is the only one who means everything to you and undoubtedly these feelings also existed on his part as well, but it seems like that it is fading out. It looks like he is slipping away from you. He is not the same person who used to be, who used to care about you, who use to love you and who used to always stand by your side no matter what it takes. You have started observing a change in his attitude, and deep down in your heart, your fear of losing him began to grow very rapidly. But still, you don’t want to believe it or perhaps you might be confused about it. So, rather than assuming or getting puzzled, read out the following the following points to get a clear idea about the situation.

He suddenly starts demanding space

Although there had been no recent changes in the behavior and the way you two are working out on your relationship, he starts asking you for a little space; then you need to get alert about it. Ask him the reason for his demand. If he tells you something specific and precise than that is fine and you both can tackle the situation together. But if the answer is somewhat a little vague and confusing then there might be the chances that he is losing interest in you.

Comparison with other girls

Girls never want to be compared to any other girl. And of course men should never pass on such a comment which shatters women confidence, and she started feeling like an idiot. Men usually pass on comments like:

Why can’t you dress like her?

She speaks out so confidently, why can’t you talk like her?

You need to learn more about styling

Such comments are very upsetting. Is your man has started comparing you with other girls? If yes! Then the situation is getting out of your hands, and you need to be extra concerned about it.

Takes long time to reply to your text

If you have started noticing the delay in response to your text messages, then tie up your laces to face the reality. Once or twice it is fine, but if he is becoming habitual of not replying you in time, then your relationship is at high risk. This change is one of the most prominent ones.

Becoming incredibly selfish

If your man starts losing interest in you, his attitude changes, and he stops giving any importance to you. You are no more going to be his priority. He becomes very selfish and self-centered. He is more concerned about his work, his friends, and his interests.

He does not comfort you

A true man who deeply loves you will never leave during your hard times. He will always stand by your side to support you and to comfort you in every possible way.

If you start noticing certain changes in the way he used to take care of you and if the graph of the comfort level he used to provide you has begun to decline then you need worry about the relationship you are entering into.

He gets angry and irritated without any reason

There is always a reason behind anyone’s anger. If your man is getting irritated without any reason, then try to discuss and point it out to him. If he denies and such sort of attitude continues to persist, you need to give a serious thought to it.

 

 


4 Intuitive Ways to Help You Move On After a Breakup

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Breakups are messy and painful, even if you want to end the relationship. They are upsetting for both persons in a relationship, whereas most people say breakup are harder for the one who got dumped. That’s not true as the person who ended the relationship has seriously hurt the feelings of someone else. It's common sense; we have to move on after a breakup just like everything else in life. Most people say to move on from a breakup; you should begin a new relationship. Well, that’s counterintuitive and doesn’t help most people.

So, whether you wanted this relationship to end or simply lost interest in it, here are four simple and effective ways you can follow to help you move on.

Take a break from your Exes-friends

One of the counterintuitive things most people do after a break up is spending time with people who are friends of your ex-partner. It may be tempting, but it’s going to hurt you when someone from the group shares about the details your ex is doing lately. This will not help you move on. So, take a few months hiatus from your friends and this will make your life simpler and stress-free.

Focus on your profession

When you’re in a warm and stable relationship, usually you aren’t very focused on meeting a deadline, finding a new job, or get a promotion, or learning anything to enhance your professional skills. Now, you have newly single again; you can now channel all your positive energy into something that will improve your life. Think about what do to make your happier professionally and write instructions how to achieve it and follow it to take your career to the next level.

Reunite with a family member or an old friend

Breakups are awful, and you can feel upset and lost after the event. Things get more upsetting when you realize that your ex-lover has also become your best friend, even if the relationship was already halfway through. Now, that you can’t rely on care and support from your ex, non-romantic relationships can help you significantly to move on and appreciate the little things in life. Consider reaching out to all the friends and call one of them just to say “hello.” Also, don’t forget to call your family members too. Being connected to someone who cares about will help not to feel lonely and reestablish the bonds long lost over the years.

Work on a momentous home project

Take on a momentous project you could do at your home that will help you move on and start your life afresh. After breaking up, consider changing the look of your home. Begin by painting some walls, rearrange all your furniture or books, or plant some new flowers. If you didn't organize your closet for a while, now it’s the perfect time to do it. Dig through your closets and get rid of all the clothes and other stuff you haven’t worn or used for a while. Plant some new plants and make space for a table and some chairs, if you have a garden. The main purpose here is to seek a fresh beginning emotionally by making a fresh start in your physical surroundings.

Breakups are painful, and none of the above advice suggests you move on and begin a new relationship. Rather this will help you focus on other parts of your life and restoring balance which is the key to healing and moving on at the demise of a relationship.