Category Archives: Breakups

3 Tendencies That Will Ruin Your Relationship

Though no couple is free from the risks associated with new love, some acts will doom the relationship even before it got the chance to prosper. If you’re looking and dating the right partner, abiding with some ground rules will make the scouring action a lot easier. Here are three relationship dynamics that are bounded to end the relationship from the start – regardless what everybody else says or do.

1. Are You Looking To Date Casually Or Want To Be In An Exclusive Relationship?

This relationship dynamic is the most ill-fated. No doubt. Before starting to get on the dating bandwagon, ask yourself – what kind of relationship do you want? Do you want to date casually or looking for a steady and exclusive relationship? Unless you come to a decision on which one of these two choices you’re looking for – you aren’t ready for dating. Secondly, at some point of the relationship, you need to discuss your relationship goals at the early stages of dating. Instead of asking your partner what they want from this relationship, first tell him or her, what you really want.

If your approach is something more casual, then there’s always a sense of weirdness in dating where you don’t really know what the other person want. You can tell your partner that you aren’t looking to commit at the moment, but for the time being you want to keep things casual and light. In response, if the other person asks you if they can date other people at the same time, make sure you give an honest answer. It’s a fair question at this point. Make it clear to them if they’re comfortable with the act and whether if you can handle it.

Now, if your approach is something more casual, then there’s always a sense of weirdness in dating where you don’t really know what the other person want. Tell them for the time being you’re dating casually, but if you find the right person, you’re ready to be in a committed and long-term relationship.

2. One Person Is Highly Insecure, While The Other One Doesn’t

It’s a common misconception that women have more insecurities than men. Though women feel vulnerable about many things, a man’s insecurity can doom a relationship just like a woman. People usually feel insecure about their finances, appearances, education, intellect, or rejection. If you happen to date someone who has most or all of these insecurities, then the relationship won’t last long.

3. Dating A Player

Let’s admit it; some players can be damn physically attractive. They know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say. They will also make you feel important and feel noticed. The drawback is they won’t keep you on their radar for long. Players like to initiate contact with people they like when their admirers expect something back from them, they forget them. If you have ever met a player, be honest and straightforward with them. Tell them you know that he or she is a player, but you aren’t comfortable with it, and you won’t miss them if you can’t see them again in the future.

Ultimately, all these three relationship agitations don't have a happy ending and are destined for an unfortunate demise. However, they are entirely preventable. The single most important advice for you to remember is to stop trying to change yourself, a player or anyone else for that matter. All of them are special in their own selves.

Don’t Rush Too Soon To Make The Relationship Official

So you've been in a relationship for some time and now you think that the situation is ideal for you to take one step further by making it all official. But you ask yourself if you’re rushing too soon? Sometimes people rush into things while they're excited but then regret it afterwards. Maybe they are agreeing to it because of some family pressure or because of the time factor with everyone getting older, but whatever the case may be it is a major decision, and you should always think thoroughly about it. These signs will tell you when you are rushing to make the relationship official:

#1 Your gut feeling doesn’t lie

When taking this decision, you feel a rock bottom feeling in your stomach and lots of nervousness. This is a normal reaction to something which you haven’t done with the heart’s agreement; this should be an immediate sign that it is time for you to rethink your decision.

#2 You have planned it, but you hesitate

People who want to make things happen then they put all their effort in it as well. You, on the other hand, are still using words like “if” and “when” as if the time is somewhere in distant future and this all shows you are not ready for it. You’re taking this time off because you are not yet sure about it.

#3 You are still in contact with you exes

When you are not sure or serious about one relationship, then you will always be in contact with other guys/girls, and it will not feel wrong because you feel whatever you are doing is okay from the inside. If you had committed to the person whom you are going to marry, then you wouldn’t even think about anyone else, and you would only spend all your time with that one person. You are definitely exploring your options because you haven't yet taken your decision.

#4 You don’t get motivated seeing others get hitched

People who want to get married or want to start a long-term commitment usually get motivated and excited when they see others in the same situation. You, however, have never felt this way and even if it is your closest friend getting married. You will still not want it for yourself.

#5 You have been overprotective about your independence and alone time

You are not yet ready for someone’s interference in your life. You don’t want anyone to tell you what to do and when to do. You like living by your own rules, and this long-term companionship might not be the best idea, at least for now.

#6 Whenever the subject gets brought back again, you always change the topic

Your partner is all pumped up for it and has already started making plans about things like which place will you be living in or what school will your kids be going to. All these things feel nauseous to you, and all you do in such situations is change the topic to something entirely different or just bring food in between since that seems to solve it always.

How Speaking About Your Ex Reveals A Lot About You

Bashing your ex on your first date with someone new is never a good idea. You’re not going to impress your new love interest with lurid stories of your ex-girlfriend or your ex-husband’s uncontrollable rage during the first hour of your date. But, eventually you’ll have to talk about your previous relationship and what didn’t it last, and sometimes it’s irresistible not always to take the high road.

Problems arise when you start talking about your ex in the early days of dating. Here are few reasons that it’s probably for the best that you should be careful while talking about your former lover.

1. Your date will assume that you’ll talk ill about them like that some day

If you keep trashing your ex, call them lurid and nasty names and criticize their personality, your date will assume that you’re the kind of person who talks about people behind their backs. They’ll eventually think that if something bad happens to the date or the relationship, they too will become the topic of your horrid bashing, which will upset them.

2. Your date will think that you’re someone who doesn't like be accountable or take responsibility for any wrongdoing

It would be responsible if you said to your date about what went wrong in the relationship or marriage before it ended and you tried your best to mend it and take responsibility for your actions. Well, few people are like that, and most of them just blame each other if anything went wrong in the relationship, instead of taking some responsibility for their behavior.

3. Your date will wonder that you’re looking for someone who’s not like their ex

We don’t want to make the same mistakes again. The same goes for relationships too. Past relationships are excellent tutors. When we start dating someone new, we don’t want our new dates to have the traits or the quirky behaviors of our exes, which we could not change. And it caused the relationship to end. Your new date will wonder that whether if you’re going to love them for their desirable traits. So, be cautious when you talk about your ex. For example, if your ex was a night owl, then you probably will like someone who is a morning person, you like to date someone who loves pizzas because your ex loved pasta, you get the picture.

4. Your date thinks if you haven’t moved on

Can’t stop talking or even thinking about your ex? Accusing him or her of the demise of your marriage or relationship? Then, all these points to one direction – you aren’t over your ex and haven’t forgiven her. If this is the case, then you’re still ready to date someone new and be in a relationship.

The Bottom Line

So what can you do? It’s not a good solution if you never talked about your ex. Your date will be on wondering why. Here what you can do. Always talk about your past relationship in a way that feels like never-ending or unresolved conflict. There is no ex-bashing in that conversation. Tell your new date that past mistakes in your previous relationship have made you emotionally mature and helped you learn to become a better person and a partner. Compliment and respect your ex. Tell your new date about all the admirable qualities and traits he or she had in them that made you fall in love with them.

Are You Desperate To Find A Date? Don’t Worry, No One Knows

Singles have always walked on thin ice. You have to show people that you’re happy being single, but can’t be too jolly—otherwise will be worried that you aren’t trying enough to find someone to love. On the flipside, if you tell people that you’re unhappy with your life and trying really, really hard to find a date, then people will assume that you’re too desperate. In that case, you’ll never be able to attract someone good for you. You’re too desperate!

People can rightly judge our emotions, behaviors, and personalities that will help us to meet an ideal and romantic partner. They only want us to be happy and content with ourselves. But, the truth is these rules do make us bad, they also don’t work at all times.

Say, let’s take being, “too desperate” into scrutiny. It makes sense – we all have experience meeting someone who anxious, nervous person who fanatic need for approval makes you leave the room. But a University of Toronto research has reported that most of us are fine with keeping that discomfort vibe in control.

Researchers asked a group of single participants at a speed-dating event how they felt about being single to determine their anxiousness level of being single. Then they were asked to pair with the opposite sex and have a conversation for a few minutes. After three minutes, the participants have been invited to switch partners, and the process continued until each member met with 25 members of opposite sex. Finally, the speed daters indicated with whom they would like to share personal information and meet again.

The researchers have discovered two things. One, the nervous group were interested in date a larger number of people, while the less anxious ones were more selective whom they want to date. It’s not surprising to see that concerned individuals were less picky, but they’re desirable indeed. Second, the researchers concluded that the anxious daters got similar levels of interest compared to their confident compatriots.

The finding suggests that people who are anxious and afraid that they would remain single, wasn’t a turn-off to their potential suitors and that such fears are in most cases are unfounded. In other words, people can’t see your fear or know that you’re desperate to be in a relationship. The authors, however, have admitted that some speed-daters have noticed some of the dates were stressful and lacked confidence, but it was in no way a deal-breaker as most of the people tell us to believe.

Though our society gives high marks to people who have high self-esteem and confidence, there is little evidence that these qualities make us more attractive and desirable to other people. Researchers have also found that overly confident college students believe they have better interpersonal skills than students who aren't. Nonetheless, their roommates have just rated their confidence just as average.

Regardless of people with high or low self-esteem, both are liked by others. It’s because of low self-esteem individuals who overly underestimate their approval levels by others, while the high self-esteem people greatly overestimate how other approves them. In other words, confident people don’t always make better dates or partners than their desperate counterparts. They just think they are!

Don’t Be Upset When His Ex is Prettier Than You

Hate it or live it – we live in a world obsessed with beauty. If you’re dating someone seriously and at the same time learned that his ex was much prettier than you, it can make you feel insecure and pretty low. It’s true that attractive people aren’t much happier or successful that the rest. Looks fade over time, and yet, appearance still matters, especially the younger you are.

We know that its sucks that his former partner is more attractive than you, but the question is what you will do with this information? Here are some helpful tips.

Remember that he ended his relationship with his ex for a reason

It’s true that his ex-was gorgeous, but her beauty wasn’t enough to keep the relationship intact. Even if he has decided to be with her, eventually he will realize that he want a woman that wants him, too. It means that if he wants to have a long-lasting and committed relationship, he will realize it takes more that beauty to sustain a relationship in the long-term. Keep in mind, that your boyfriend has chosen you to be in his life, and that’s what’s important here.

Being beautiful doesn’t mean that they’ll be smart, funny or interesting

Being beautiful or handsome doesn’t imply that person will be smart or attractive. You'll find that a lot of gorgeous folks can sometimes be dull and boring. It’s the humor and warmth that make people interesting. If you can make your man laugh, listen to him, pay attention and appreciate him; be assured that he will come back at you for more. Beauty may keep a man attached to a woman for a few months or years, but as the relationship matures, he will lose interest in her unless she tries to make the relationship alive and exciting again.

Confidence reigns supreme

One of the most attractive traits men try to find in women is confidence. If you’re confident about what you bring in the relationship, attracting a man, who is your match, and keeping him interested in you, won’t be a problem. Men love women with high self-esteem and confidence as much as women love confident men.

Details about his ex can intimidate you

You will surely get obsessive or insecure if you keep listening to all the details about you his ex. Whenever he talks about his ex, don’t ask to follow up questions about her career, personality, family, lifestyle and so forth. Knowing about her life or existence has simply no value to you. The relationship has ended, and it’s for the best you focus all your time and energy in the current relationship.

The bottom line looks matter, and we all know it. Don’t forget; you are in control of your life, and it’s entirely up to you whom you date. Think of the bigger picture, most men and women want to choose their partners based on three criteria; physical appearance, intelligence and financial status. So, don’t put too much emphasis on one area. If his former lover is more lovely than you, remember, looks is only one the traits that count.

Relationship Uncertainty and How to Move On?

Uncertainty about a relationship is something that makes you confused that where your relationship is going? You are yourself confused about what you want from the person you are with. Either you want him/her to be your life partner or you just want a casual companionship.

Relationship uncertainty and its dangers

At the start of the relationship, you cannot expect certainty as you are getting to know the person you are dating, considering what you feel and trying to understand the whole process.

But if uncertainty continues to prolong in the relationship then it is something to worry about. When you both are holding it back and making no efforts to push your relationship any further and if you develop this thinking that it is better than nothing and there is nothing to lose then my dear you need to know that there is a lot to lose which you are unaware of. Here are some reasons that why is it dangerous to stay in a relationship which is not certain:

Uncertainty can blow up your self-esteem

Uncertainty may lead you to the point where it starts messing up with your mind. You start blaming and feel sorry for yourself. Do I deserve all this? Why can’t I have a stable relationship? Such questions begin to haunt you and will destroy your self-esteem unless you become clear about your relationship. You will start believing that this is how much you can receive as love, and you start to accept whatever is tossed your way.

Accountability is zero

If your status as a couple is with no defined roles and limitations, then it becomes convenient for both of you to overlook or reject the accountability for the other’s well-being. With no set rules, neither of you is going to take the responsibility of the security and the happiness of the relationship.

Realizing that we do not love the person

When all the chase and drama ends, you find out that you might not like this person. When the uncertainty prolongs so does the chase and thus we waste maximum of our time which should have been spent in searching for true love.

Chances of meeting your Mr. or Miss Right reduce

Although you are facing numerous uncertainties in your relationship, still you will never even think about going out with somebody else. It is against your principles. You are in the hope that everything is going to be okay. In doing so, you lose the opportunity to find yourself an eligible partner. Imagine losing someone who adores you the most and one day you will regret refusing to his proposal in keeping your uncertain relationship which will end eventually.

Chronic Stress

Uncertainties in a relationship make us feel unhappy, lonely and tired. You may enjoy the company of each other, but prolonged uncertainties which are not addressed may cause conflict. The fact that he is not making the first move in proposing you will keep you up all night. Thus uncertainty in the relationship makes you emotionally stressed and unstable.

Hence, as the time passes, it is better to sit and discuss your relationship rather than prolonging uncertainty which will leave you with nothing in the end.

It Is Okay If You’re Apparently Dating All Wrong

Dating can be a terrifying for some people, particularly to those who have started dating after a breakup or a divorce. They have little idea what they’re doing or can’t remember the conversation they have with the new person. Sometimes the date ends up in a disaster, or both of them get passed by it.

We don’t like to be slaves to “rules”, and even the most comforting one among us will try to resist giving in to these rules while dating.

The allure of dating rules, (some call them principles), is that they give you confidence that if you have enough skills, you can easily navigate to the next relationship. Some people even go to extra lengths if they follow all the advice. They won’t get heartbroken again. Good luck with that!

It’s common to hear people who are going through a breakup and upset about it saying they’ll not repeat the same mistakes in their next relationship. But, it’s easier to say than doing it.Many individuals are in a quest to find the perfect partner, create chemistry, maintaining momentum in the relationship. And they get so overwhelmed with tips and advice on what to do and what not to do that they only blow it all away.

At every dating process, you keep thinking about questions like, “Did I respond to that text message or email too quickly? Was I late in asking her out for dinner? Did I mention to make our relationship exclusive too soon? Most of these things can go wild once you’re really in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what most relationship experts tell and suggest to do, to have a great date. A lot of people will get confused by how much there is to think about it.

The fact is there isn’t a “flawless” or “right” way to find and nurture love; we all are giving out best. Thinking like this takes a lot of burden out of our minds, and subsequently, it proves that we are after all humans and stumble like everyone else. Moreover, you find a lot of people who have found love in places and time that they least expected it. Just ask any of your favorite couples how they met for the first time and got into an exclusive relationship. You’ll be surprised to hear that they had a ton of missed connections, upsetting breakups, poor communication, bad timing, awful intentions, heartbreaking separations, infidelity, emotional breakdown, jealousy, bad kissing and so forth. All these unprecedented events eventually made them better and landed them into a cozy and committed relationship.

Overall, this is a good context to bear in mind whenever you’re fidgeting over you replied to that email too soon or whether if you showed too much or too little interest in your date. Instead, of asking yourself if you did anything wrong or right while dating, ask yourself if you did anything that was “real and authentic”. Did your actions reflect your true intentions and motivations? Do you genuinely want to be treated the same you treated others? Remain true and honest to these rules, and there’s no chance you’ll make any mistakes, and lose your way in finding the perfect partner.

Breakup To Makeup: Ways To Give Love A Second Chance

Well, sometimes break up happens which we do not want. After parting away from our significant one, we feel worse and start to regret after some time. Then after a few months, we realize that break up is not the right solution, and we want to reunite. It happens. But from the break up to make up, is it that easy?

Second chance is never an easier one. Couples may not let go of the things that happened in the past, and consequently, it leads to another breakup.

Getting back with your ex is a tough decision. You have to set a lot of things back together. But if you feel like you should take a step forward towards your ex and give it a try again then go for it. But to make it perfect this time, you need to follow a few tips to get back together for better this time.

Talk about your problems

Obviously, there must be issues that led you two apart. Sit together and sort each and every issue openly. No need to hide or set things aside. Clear everything up and then take a fresh start together.

Set Boundaries

As you are starting it all over again, define your rules and set limits. What is okay and what is not okay. Agree to the things that are important to both of you. Setting boundaries will be helpful in avoiding the previous mistakes and make your relationship much happier.

Have a better communication

Having a good communication will never let any relationship to break apart. Your break up may have happened because of a very little problem which could have been easily resolved by communicating with each other. So, this time improve your communication level and discuss everything before making up stories all by yourself which promotes conflicts.

Discuss the future

If you both have finally decided to get back together, then first thing is to discuss your future. Talk to each other openly and if you see that you two can make a perfect future together then making the relationship is worthwhile. But if there come the differences then I guess making up is not a good idea.

Assess your true feelings

Before moving on back together, you need to assess your feelings. Do you love your partner? Or is it just that you were so used to them and now you get bored when you do not find them around you.

So, if you cannot reciprocate the same feelings that they possess for you or if you do not feel the same way that things used to be then it is better to continue with the break up permanently.

Make necessary changes in the relationship

Obviously, there has been something wrong previously that led you to the breakup. So you have to make the changes to make things work out positively in future.

Well, if you think that your relationship deserves a second chance then give it a try with the help of these tips try to work it out to be a better one this time.

Signs You Are Wasting Time In A One-Sided Relationship

Love is beautiful. But the question is that “is it working out for you?” Are you happy with it? Well, love can be built over time, or it might degrade you. It can become complicated for you to accept that your partner is getting out of your hands and there is nothing that you can do about it. On the other hand finding someone who will love you for the rest of your life is not easy, and maybe that is why we continue to stay in a terrible relationship. This is what I believe isn’t fair with you as well as with your partner.

One day this one-sided relationship is going to turn off so what are you waiting for? To avoid pain, it is better to accept the reality and face the truth at the earliest rather than later. Check out the following points and consider your partner as well as yourself while going through these characteristics:

Your partner is comfortable with the routine

If you suggest changing something that happens on a daily basis, your partner protests about it; like you ask for the dinner out, and they grunt about it. They never allow room for change.

Your relationship is stale

After reading out the first one, you have reached the point in your relationship where everything is stale. It is YOU who always has to make out plans, and if they agree to it, they would not be available for the occasion. Moreover, you have to plan out even for romance.

They put minimal effort when it comes to social situations

If you both are invited at a place, your partner may join you but will keep themselves away from the people important to you. They will most likely stay quiet or will just reply if addressed otherwise they will never make any effort to spark the conversation.

They will keep you away from their important people

Your partner has some important family members and friends, but they keep you away from them, then this is a red flag. If he loved you, he would never mind if you meet with his friends and family, and if they are doing so, then something is wrong which you need to be worried about.

Your partner takes you for granted

Small cute loving gestures keep your love life moving. But even these go unnoticed then it hurts very badly. Suppose you never want to bring your partner's favorite food home back from work just to listen to a monotone “thanks.”

One sided openness

Maybe it is just you who talks about your day, your commitments, late projects, any family updates or friend drama. Perhaps you are the one who is open to discussing the issues and concerns related to your relationship. Does your partner play any role in it?

When do you feel the best?

This is a very serious question which you need to ask yourself. Do you feel better when your partner is with you? Or do you feel good and comfortable when your partner is not around?

Undoubtedly, a one-sided relationship may leave you depressed and dejected, but it can pave you a path to find the love of your life.

4 Ways Low Self-Esteem Can Ruin a Relationship

If you’ve low self-esteem, probably you think that you'll suck at dating. If you’re feeling stressed and insecure, your low self-esteem will prevent you from having a lasting relationship or make it harder for you to find a perfect date. See if any of the behaviors resonate with your and if they do, then it's a sign that you've low self-esteem.

You Have Needy or Clingy Behavior

Everyone gets turned off by neediness. While dating, men and women mainly look for a romantic partner to have a relationship. They aren’t looking for someone to take care of them as if they’re like abandoned children or a psychotherapy patient. People want to date someone who will compliment them, make their life whole, and not a person that will drain their energy. If you think you’ve the habit to get needy or clingy, consider making a few friends so that it won’t consume the person you’re dating. Ask your friends or coworkers to join you for dinner, go to a party or just do some fun activity together and so on.

You Feel Jealous

It’s not surprising to know that jealousy and low self-esteem goes hand in hand. We all feel insecure time to time. If you think that you aren’t good enough for him or her, or someone will snatch away your significant other from, then it’s an indication of low self-esteem as well as jealousy. If your jealousy is out of control, it can wreck havoc on your relationship. To get rid of jealous steak, first, admit that you’ve a jealousy problem. Talk to your friends that you’re trying to become less jealous, or chant a single liner yourself to distract you whenever you become jealous.

You’re Afraid That Your Date Isn't Attracted to You – Sexually

If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, then there’s a possibility that you always fear that your partner is or doesn’t want to be intimate with you. The keep thinking about this because you feel that you aren’t sexually attractive to him or her. These fears that stem poor self-esteem issues can ruin a loving relationship quickly. Remind yourself that your partner could abandon this relationship at any time, but he or she is still with you. You don’t have to be the perfect mate for him or her. And if there’s any performance issue in the bedroom, consult with a professional.

You Need Your Partner for Constant Reassurance

Healthy individuals are looking for a partner that will complement them, while unhealthy persons are looking for a partner that will take care of them. They want their significant others to be their parents. Why? Because, they didn’t receive enough care, love and attention from their parents or siblings, while they were young. These adults feel incredibly insecure, and they’re always waiting for someone that will give them the love and attention they didn’t get while growing up. These individuals hate to be alone and need assurance and validation of others to feel good about themselves. It’s an indication of poor self-esteem, and they need to work on improving their confidence level, body images and get motivated.

We all struggle with insecurity, low self esteem and emotional issues more or less, but for most, it’s not that big of an issue. But, if you consistently feel bad about yourself, be careful while engaging in a romantic relationship. If you don’t improve your self-esteem, then you might jeopardize your relationship.