Being curious about someone you just met and interested to have a relationship with is natural. We use all means at our disposal including the internet to know more about the person we are seeing. But, all these snooping without our partners’ knowledge affect our chances of developing a loving and healthy relationship?
Well, here are some questions you need to think long and hard before you decide to snoop on your partner:
1. Why do I feel the need to snoop? You can reveal a lot about yourself and the other person by your intentions and motivations. We understand that you want to be extra cautious about not getting hurt again like you did in the past because of your partner’s dishonesty and disloyalty. Or it might be that your intuition is nagging you that the person you’re currently seeing is exactly the person he/she purports to be. Or, it’s maybe that you’re simply nosy. Answering all ‘why’ questions will give you an insight about yourself and your intentions regarding the relationship.
2. Will I accept the fact if someone snooped on me? You most likely won’t care if your new love interest looks into your life in a certain way. It’s none of his or her business, at least not at this stage of the relationship. Don’t snoop on other people the same way you won’t like someone to be snooping on you.
3. Does my investigation break any boundaries? If you want to have a loving, healthy relationship, boundaries must be maintained, respect should be given, and honesty should be present. You should understand where the boundaries are between suspicious prying and sensible collection of information about the person you’re currently dating. Now, honor the boundaries.
4. Can I spend my energy on something more productive than snooping? If you’re snooping on your partner just because of the sheer thrill you get from it, remember that it takes a lot of effort to keep your secretive action concealed from your spouse. What’s more important is that energy could be better utilized and enjoyed if you just have an open and honest conversation with your partner to know more about them.
5. Am I snooping on my partner because I want to avoid starting a potentially uncomfortable conversation and feeling vulnerable? If you’re unsure and suspicious about something, you ought to investigate to find more information. But, ask yourself, wouldn’t things be much helpful if you just brought up the topics in an open and gentle way and have a dialogue with your partner? It’s true that snooping is a simple solution to find more about your spouse, rather than doing all the hard work to have an honest conversation with him or her. If you realize that him spending long hours in the office at night, or her having dinner with her ex, makes you feel vulnerable, then you should have to address these issues. They are necessary discussions you need to have together to build trust, loyalty and diffuse any threats in your relationship.
A healthy relationship is built on commitment, honesty, openness, trust and emotional intimacy. If you’re looking for someone or dating someone new, it’s difficult to control these qualities in the other person, but you can do your best to maintain these essential qualities.