Category Archives: Relationships

Dating in New York: Facts and Figures Every Woman Needs to Know

Here in New York City, we do things a bit differently and play by our own rules. The same applies to dating in New York, where the rules of the games are so complex and ever-changing that an entire hit TV series was spawned based on the topic. Unfortunately, dating in New York isn’t always as entertaining or glamorous as Carrie Bradshaw made it seem. If you are a woman, alone, and frustrated with the dating scene, just keep these things in mind. Continue reading


Dating After Divorce: A Comprehensive Guide

After a divorce, your self esteem can be completely shattered and you may feel like you are doomed to a life of lonely solitude. You are not alone – and you are certainly not doomed to be alone forever. Consider the fact that about 30% of all marriages involve people who are remarrying. In fact, nearly half of divorced people will remarry within 5 years of divorce! To get to that point, these divorced people needed to start dating again. Continue reading


Muslim Dating Advice

Middle Eastern men and women are some of the most attractive people in the world. They are tall, have gorgeous dark complexions, and almond shaped eyes with thick, lush lashes. Because of their diet rich in foods like avocado, couscous, pomegranate, and falafel, Middle Eastern men and women also have smooth skin which is soft to the touch and great figures (not to mention crazy libidos from all those aphrodisiacs!). The Middle East also happens to be the epicenter of the Muslim world. For people who aren’t from the Middle East or part of the Muslim tribe, Muslim dating can be incredibly confusing. Here is what you infidels need to know about dating a Muslim woman or man. Continue reading


Older Women Dating Younger Men – Can It Work?

She’s foxy, has a good job and apartment, isn’t clingy and doesn’t constantly text you asking what you are up to. Oh, and she’s stellar in bed and knows how to please you in ways you never dreamed possible. She is the older woman, aka the “cougar”, and here is what you need to know before you start dating her. Continue reading


Dating Older Men: Does Age Really Matter?

When it comes to young women dating older men, almost everyone has an idea what is an “acceptable” age gap. Sure, you might claim that “love is all that matters,” but you will probably still turn up your nose when you see a 20-something year old with an aging geezer. That is, unless you just assume she is his daughter. Continue reading


What You Need to Know to Build a Healthy Relationship

healthy relationship

In today’s world, it is pretty difficult to define what counts as a “healthy relationship.” Does it mean a man and woman, married and living together to raise a family? Can a long-distance relationship be healthy? And what about swingers and other open relationships?

No matter how you define healthy relationship, one thing is clear: most relationships aren’t healthy. If they were, we wouldn’t have a divorce rate of 50%.

Ironically, most of us start off thinking that we are in healthy relationships. At first, everything seems great and you can’t get enough of the person. You feel like that person “completes you” and imagine the life you will build together. Then, as time goes on, you start feeling wounded, angry, bitter, or simply growing apart. What went wrong???

I like how Leo Gura at Actualized.org describes healthy relationships. He says that a healthy relationship is like a ballet. The two dancers come together in sync to perform. The longer they perform, the more opportunity there is for them to become out of sync. I’d like to add to this that, as the dance becomes more complicated (kids, careers, financial difficulties, etc.), there are also more opportunities to get out of sync.

 

Relationships Don’t Happen by Themselves!

Going along with the ballet metaphor, let’s point out that you’ve got to know how to dance before you can dance with someone. If you put two crappy dancers together, they are going to put on a terrible show. If you put one crappy dancer with a master, then the dance is still going to suck.

And how do you get better at dancing? By practicing.

This applies to relationships too. Relationships take hard work and practice (which is why you shouldn’t necessarily feel bad about all your failed relationships).

For some reason though, society tells us that relationships aren’t something which needs to be worked at. They have this romantic Disney-like idea that relationships somehow will come together on their own. This might seem true at first when our hormones and the laws of attraction are ruling our emotions. But hormones cool down quickly, bursting the bubble and leaving us with a lot of hard work to do.

 

Types of Relationships

Psychologists have identified 3 different types of relationships: codependent, independent, and interdependent. Of these 3, interdependent relationships are the ones considered most “healthy.” These are also the relationships which most of us don’t have.

In order to build a healthy relationship, it is really important that you understand the different types of relationships. Note that these don’t just apply to your love life. Think about your many relationships (family, friends, colleagues, lovers, etc.) and which type of relationship they fall into.

 

Codependent/Dependent Relationships

codepedent relationship

Brace yourself, because this is probably the type of relationship you’ve been in up until now. No, I don’t necessarily mean abusive relationships, or relationships with drug addicts (these are extreme examples of codependent relationships). Codependent/dependent relationships are actually the relationships that society tells us we should have.

How many times have you heard these things said about “love”?

He/she completes me
I’ve found my other half!
I couldn’t live without you.
I would be nothing without you!

In a nutshell, a codependent/dependent relationship is when one or both partners are needy, and they use the other person to fulfill that need. Hence the phrase, “you complete me.” Even though society tells us that codependent relationships are what we should strive for, they are unhealthy.

codependency

For the dependent, there is strain and burden as the codependent eats up all the emotional, physical, financial, and other resources. They feel guilty about the idea of limiting help, even when they know it is only supporting the dependent’s shortcomings.

For the codependents, anger and resentment forms when the other person doesn’t live up to their standards. And that person will never live up to their standards; only you can make you happy. Codependents also become so reliant on the other to make decisions for them that they don’t bother to voice their own opinions or desires, which leads to more resentment and unhappiness.

Signs You Are In a Codependent Relationship

  • You spend all your time together
  • You don’t have your own friends social life
  • You get sick of each other
  • You feel that the person “completes” you
  • You blame the other person for how you feel
  • You’d rather distress yourself than upset partner
  • You feel guilty all the time
  • You feel jealous or possessive
  • You are constantly worried that you will lose your partner

 

Independent Relationships

independent relationship

Independent relationships are quite the opposite of codependent relationships. As the name implies, it is a relationship between two independent people. Each party is doing its own thing and only really thinking about themselves. At a surface level, this may seem like a healthy relationship (independence is an important quality for a relationship). However, no real bond is formed and the two people will eventually drift or split apart.

Why is an independent relationship so unhealthy?

Independent relationships are often led by people who have been hurt in the past. They are afraid of becoming dependent on another person and keep their distance.

As Psychology Today points out, independent relationships may also be narcissist relationships: “It suggests a superficial investment in interpersonal interaction that is superseded by self-interest. This does not always portend a narcissistic relationship or relationship style, but does suggest a style where true investment is lacking.

An independent relationship is definitely much better than a codependent relationship. And the good thing is that, with work, it can turn into a healthy interdependent relationship.

Signs You Are In an Independent Relationship

  • Your actions only affect you
  • You are a workaholic
  • You don’t like to share (splitting the check, don’t want to live together, etc.)
  • You don’t want to give or take
  • You lie to your partner because it is easier than explaining the truth

 

Interdependent Relationships

interdependent relationship

This is what a real healthy relationship is. It is when both parties are independent and happy by themselves, but enjoy the other person and enrich each other’s lives.

As Melanie Tonia Evans defines it,

Interdependence can be termed as: being a whole and balanced person who is able to share with and join in the healthy resources of life and others. This facilitates an even greater expansion in life than the independent stage, as we now have unlimited access to even more love, success and happiness than we could have provided for ourselves.

Think of it like this: when we work together, life is easier. You might be able to lift a heavy table by yourself, but it would be a lot easier with someone to help you.

This is how interdependent relationships work. You don’t need the other person, but you want that person.

Signs You Are In an Interdependent Relationship:

  • You enjoy giving
  • You don’t feel guilty or in debt by receiving
  • You make decisions together
  • You have your own friends and social life
  • You make time to see each other
  • You can disagree without fighting

 

How to Go from an Unhealthy to Healthy Relationship

If you have a history of unhealthy relationships and codependency, or are in an unhealthy relationship now, the good news is that it can be fixed. You can have a healthy relationship. But it is going to take work!

By “work,” I don’t mean you convincing your girlfriend to be less clingy or  to assert herself, or getting her to be less bossy. To have a healthy relationship, YOU MUST WORK ON YOURSELF.

Until you are independent (i.e. capable of being on your own, and are happy with your own company) there is no way you can be happy in a relationship. You will just end up in the codependency trap. Likewise, you’ve got to be emotionally stable enough to allow yourself to be put in the vulnerable place of a relationship where you could get hurt. Otherwise, you will end up in an unhealthy independent relationship.

Remember, like attracts like.  We attract people who are psychologically similar to us. So, if you’ve said before, “Why do I always attract crazy psycho women?!”, think about what it says about your psychological state. 

How do you become more independent and confident? Interestingly, it is the same way that you meet women. By following your passions and interests, getting new hobbies, and engaging in social activities like outings or even volunteer work. These actions help build our sense of self, make us feel good about ourselves, and give us the practice needed for building meaningful, healthy relationships. And you might just meet that special someone in the process!

Keep up your own social life, goals, dreams even after entering a relationship. Otherwise you end up becoming dependent on the other person.

If you need help boosting your confidence so you can attract the right type of woman, I suggest reading the free PIOP manual, which you can download here.

 

 


The Rules of Casual Dating

For those of us who aren’t ready to settle down and want to enjoy our freedom, casual dating seems like a heaven. You get to have fun on dates, have a hot girl to crawl in your bed pretty much whenever you want, but still get to flirt and have fun with other ladies.

casual dating

But, if you don’t follow the rules of casual dating, it could end up quickly turning into a nightmarish ordeal.

Picture girls crying at your doorstep or – worse — you falling for a girl so badly that you obsessively write love sonnets to her and ask her friends who else she’s been seeing.

Before you enter into the world of casual dating, make sure you understand the rules!

 

What Is Casual Dating?

There are a lot of different terms which are often used interchangeably with casual dating, like open relationship, fuck buddy, booty call, friends with benefits…

Casual dating is a bit different than all these other types of relationships. Like a fuck buddy or booty call, the relationship is mostly based on sex. However, it usually isn’t just about sex like a pickup is. Unlike with your favorite fuck buddy who you’ve got on speed dial, you will probably actually go out with the girl you are casually dating, such as meeting for drinks (hence the term casual dating). But casual dating doesn’t have the commitment or closeness associated with an open relationship or even a friend with benefits.

There are a lot of different ways we could define casual dating, but it all essentially comes down to the same thing: you are keeping your options open.

keeping your options open

Society has done a pretty good job about making us feel guilty about casual dating. After all, we are only supposed to bed down with people we are in love with or serious about, right? But casual dating doesn’t necessarily have to be sleazy. Casual dating is about meeting new types of people so you can find out what types of people you are attracted to. It also helps you learn to communicate with members of the opposite sex, learn valuable skills like compromise, and get better in the bedroom (all things your future partner will appreciate!).

Note: Casual dating is NOT the same as having an affair! Always find out if the person is married or in a serious relationship before you hook up. Otherwise, you could end up in some serious trouble.

 

Can You Handle It?

You meet a killer girl who has a sexy body, is chill, and the two of you can’t stop laughing together. But she says that she isn’t ready for a relationship, doesn’t have time, or simply enjoys being single. You tell yourself that you are fine doing the casual dating thing. You might even think that you are fine with it. Then you catch her out on a date with some other guy and go berserk with jealousy…

A lot of guys think that they can handle casual dating, only to find out that it is too emotional for them.  As Love Panky points out, casual dating doesn’t mean she doesn’t want a relationship. She just doesn’t want it with you. You two are both using each other until someone else better comes along. If you can’t handle this harsh reality, then get out before you get hurt!

casual dating perils

 

Can SHE Handle It?

It’s never cool to hurt a girl’s feelings. Just like guys can be in denial about their ability and/or desire to be in a casual relationship, girls do it too. Not to stereotype, but it is usually the girls who lie to themselves that “casual” will eventually lead to a commitment.

You’ve got to be very clear from the beginning that you don’t want a relationship. Ideally, you tell her this before you sleep with her.   Then, make sure you aren’t giving her the wrong idea by acting like a boyfriend.

Also, be on the lookout for signs that she really wants a serious relationship, like she keeps talking about having kids, mentions future plans, or starts prying into your personal life.

 

Set Some Ground Rules

Just because casual dating doesn’t have the same well-defined rules as an exclusive relationship, it doesn’t mean there aren’t any rules. After you two have “dated” a couple of times, sit down to have an open discussion about what you want and expect to happen. Some of the things you might want to agree on are:

  • Is it okay to go out in public places?
  • Should the relationship be kept secret from everyone or is it okay if some people know (especially if you have common friends)?
  • If one of you starts dating someone seriously, will you two continue having sex or will you cut things off?
  • How often do you want to see each other (good question for understanding what the other person expects)?

 

Don’t Ask Questions

When you are in a relationship with someone, it is expected of you to ask questions like what she did all day, where she went out, and so forth. With casual dating, all these personal questions are off limits.   If you don’t follow this rule, you are bound to get hurt or embarrassed.

For example:
You ask her what she did last night. Either she avoids the question and makes you feel awkward for asking. Or she tells you that she went out and had some drinks with a “friend.” Then your night is ruined because you keep imagining her with another guy.

So don’t ask her:

  • How many people she is seeing
  • Where she was last night
  • Why she didn’t return your calls
  • To add you on Facebook

 

Date Discreetly

Casual dating is different for everyone. Some might just come over for an occasional booty call and return home the same night. But, casual dating usually does involve some degree of actual “dating” – meaning you two go out somewhere together (check out our fun date ideas). This is actually what makes casual relationships so much more fun than a booty call, because you two can have fun flirting and “warming up” before you make it to the bedroom.

But make sure you’ve set the ground rules about your dates. Are you okay going out to places where you might bump into people you know? How should you act if you run into her friends? Is it okay to hold hands on a date? What about kissing in public?   And, in this era of social media, agree that you won’t post photos of your dates online!

 

Do Follow the Rules of Safe Sex

This should be obvious, but you’ve got to BE REALLY CAREFUL when having casual sex. Because chances are that person is sleeping with other people too. And those people are also sleeping with other people. And so down the line.   Need I remind you that there are nearly 20 million new cases of STDsevery year, including HIV, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and HPV (amongst others)!

Always wear a condom. And you’ve got to have the safe-sex discussion with her too. Ask her when the last time she was tested, and whether she always uses protection with partners. While you are at it, it is probably time for you to get tested again! If the idea of getting a girl pregnant totally freaks you out, then you’ll also want to ask her what she would do if she got pregnant and whether she is using birth control as a backup in case a condom breaks.

casual dating fun in bed

 

Don’t Meet Her Friends or Family

If she suggests that you go out with her friends or meet her family, it is a sign that she probably wants something more. If you agree, then it will send a mixed message that you also want a closer relationship. If the two of you were friends before you started sleeping with each other, then it is still okay to go out as friends. But be very discreet about it and don’t have any noticeable displays of affection or even flirting in public.

 

Be Courteous

Just because you are only dating casually, it doesn’t mean you’ve got to be a dick. If she spends the night, don’t kick her out first thing in the morning – make her coffee and breakfast. It is okay to cuddle after sex and say sweet things. And, even if it was just a booty call, you should still always follow up with the girl the next day!

 

Don’t Go Overboard with the Text Messages

Sending naughty text messages is a lot of fun and can add some serious spice to your casual relationship. But be really careful about going overboard with them. You run the risk of annoying her or interrupting her daily life. Avoid sending texts in nighttime hours. You never know if she will be out on a date with someone else, and it could really screw things up for her!   If you show her this consideration, she will do the same for you.

Become Better in Bed

Take advantage of being in a casual relationship to become a better lover. Ask her what she likes, divulge any fantasies you’ve had, and try new things. In my experience, girls who are open to casual dating are also pretty open sexually, so you shouldn’t feel shy about asking specific questions or making requests.

become better in bed

 

Have Fun – And Get Out When It Stops Being Fun!

Casual relationships are supposed to be about having fun until the right person comes along. But too often casual relationships turn into boring relationships. And too many men get stuck in them.

Here is how it usually happens. A guy starts having sex with a girl and maybe going out for drinks beforehand too. He is too busy (or lazy) to meet new women, so the casual girlfriend becomes a fallback.   Even though he sees no future with the girl, and she doesn’t want one with him, they both keep seeing each other out of habit. Eventually, they get so used to seeing each other that they become trapped. They end up acting like an old, unhappy couple – but a couple that never even loved each other to begin with.

Do everything you can to keep casual dating fun. Try new things in the bedroom. Go to fun new places (where no one knows you). And, if things start getting boring, then get out!

 


Fun Things to Do On a Date

Your first date went well? Congratulations! Now, you’ve got to make sure that you don’t fall into the same rut which gets many new couples: monotony.

Here is what usually happens when couples start dating. They make a big effort for the first couple of dates (check out our first date ideas here). Then they start to get comfortable with each other. The girl no longer shows up for the date dressed to the nines in heels and a sexy black thing. And the guy might not even bother to shower anymore! After a while, the couple doesn’t even bother going out anymore and so begins a series of “nights in” which turn into a relationship based on TV-watching and junk food snacking.

boring date

Don’t let monotony take the life out of your relationship! These date ideas will help you keep the fun – and the passion – alive.

 

What Makes These Good Date Ideas?

Before we get into the fun things to do on a date, let’s break down what makes a good date night. With your first date, the date should offer lots of room for conversation so you can get to know each other, but also some sort of distraction so you don’t have to babble away at each other all night.

After you’ve been dating for a while, your dates won’t be so much about getting to know each other. Instead, the dates should be about creating memories together. These memories are what will make your relationship grow stronger and solidify the bond.

So, while a movie and dinner might be okay (though cliché) for a first date, it isn’t really memorable enough to be a good date for established couples. You’ll probably just end up talking about work or other dribble all night. Instead, you should try to do things on your dates which will push your boundaries and comfort levels.   Now onto the ideas…

 

14 Fun Things to Do on a Date

1. Travel Somewhere You’ve Never Been

If you don’t already have a travel bug, maybe it is time to get started. Travel opens you up to all sorts of new experiences, from different languages, foods, attitudes on life, and cultural situations. Even the next town over can have its own unique charm.

Travel often means getting well outside your comfort zone, and this is where you will really start to get to know your boyfriend/girlfriend. A word of warning: you might not always like this! Like when your boyfriend has a hissy fit about getting lost on some back road, and his bad mood is distracting you from enjoying the stunning view. But, if you two have the same outlook and attitude about life, travel will mean adventures to share and a LOT of fun.fun date travel

Depending on where you live, consider any of these travel date ideas:

  • Hopping on China Town bus to NYC, Boston, Philadelphia, or DC
  • Going to a National Park in your area
  • Visiting the tourist spots in the next city over
  • Finding a cheap flight and going somewhere for a long weekend

 

2. Laugh a Lot!

When you laugh, it sends a surge of endorphins throughout your body and triggers the release of “happy” hormones like dopamine. This is why laughter has been linked to all sorts of health benefits, from improved immunity to better heart health. Well, it also turns out that laughter is good for your sex life too!

Dopamine is one of the hormones in our body which regulates libido. By laughing and increasing your dopamine levels, you’ll be getting a libido boost. For women, the same part of the brain which is stimulated during sex is also stimulated by laughter. No wonder women think funny guys are so sexy.

fun date idea comedy club

To get your date laughing, consider going to one of these places:

  • Comedy club
  • Laughter yoga session
  • Cabaret
  • Arcade
  • Bumper cars or go karts
  • Circus
  • Funny movie

 

3. Go to a Sport Event

You might not think that a sporting event is the most romantic date idea. However, rooting for the same team can be a lot of fun and bring couples together. Even rooting for the opposite team can be fun as it gives you some harmless rivalry. There is always a lot of energy at a sporting game, and it can be really contagious – you might even find that some of the energy makes it home into the bedroom!

Be warned though that not every girl is going to enjoy a date at a sporting event, so make sure you know the girl well before you buy box seat tickets. Also, not all sporting events are necessarily good choices for a date. Baseball is a good choice because the crowd tends to be mellow and friendly, and there is plenty of time to chat between plays. Football is a bit rowdier, so you definitely wouldn’t want to take a girl to a football game until you’ve been dating for a good while. NASCAR might be downright boring for some dates, and a bit too hillbilly-ish to qualify as a good date option.

Tip: Make sure you figure out logistics like parking before heading to the stadium! It can ruin the date if you have to spend hours looking for a parking spot and then walk 3 miles to the venue.

date idea sports game

 

4. Play a Sport

Instead of going to watch a sport event, why not play a sport instead? Having common interests and hobbies brings couples together. If you choose to play in a league, you will also meet lots of interesting new people and will soon have common friends (as opposed to feeling like a third wheel when hanging out with her friends).

Even if your date doesn’t seem like the sporty type, there are still lots of low-key sports which you can play together. Consider some of these:

  • Golf or mini-golf
  • Frisbee golf
  • Badminton
  • Volleyball
  • Biking
  • Running
  • Hiking
  • Canoeing or kayaking
  • Tennis

5. Dance Classes

With all that moving and grinding you’ll do up against each other, you can think of dance classes as a really fun form of foreplay. Dance classes aren’t a good date idea for everyone because some people get frustrated when they don’t pick up the steps (frustration is not sexy!), and some people are too shy. But, if you two are the types who can let loose and have fun, dance classes are a great date idea.

Dance classes are also really good for boosting your confidence, which in turn strengthens your relationship. After a few classes, you’ll also be able to put on a spectacular show together when you go out to clubs.Latin dances are particularly good for couples, but ballroom and swing classes are also good date ideas.

 

 

6. Fruit Picking

If you want a date idea which is both fun and romantic, then take your date fruit or vegetable picking at a local orchard. The date is casual, the fresh air and scenery will have you two relaxed, and you can bond while working together as a team to pick the best fruits and veggies straight.   Take your pickings home and cook a delicious dinner together to eat over candlelight.

fun date idea fruit picking

7. Host a BBQ or Dinner Party

Having common friends is really important to a successful relationship. After a few dates, it will be time to meet each other’s friends. A great low-stress way to do this is to host a BBQ or dinner party. You two will have a lot of fun playing host together, and you will get some good insight into his/her spouse material (does he just sit and drink beer with his buddies or is he helping set the table and manning the grill?). If you don’t have a good BBQ spot, then consider a dinner party or potluck dinner instead.

 

8. Go to a Psychic

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for couples to have unique memories that they share. These are the memories that will come to mind when you think of that person. When a relationship is on the rocks, these unique memories are also what can tip the scales back in your favor so you dwell on the positive instead of the negative and decide to give things another go. So, don’t be afraid to do some downright wacky things on your dates – like going to a psychic. Good psychics tell you what you want to hear, so the two of you will enjoy hearing all sorts of great things about your future together.

 

9. Board Game Night

While it is nice to have some big dates for creating grand memories, the little things also matter. So, turn off the TV and bust out the board games for a showdown in Scrabble, chess, or Trivia Pursuit. A bit of friendly competition is good for couples and the quiet time alone together will help you bond.

 

10. Volunteer Together

When we do something altruistic and give back to our communities, it creates a positive feeling and also helps us to appreciate everything we have in life. Wouldn’t you love to share these positive feels with your special someone? By volunteering together, you will bond over the cause and also have an opportunity to meet new people and step outside your normal comfort zones.   This can really strengthen a relationship! Here are some ideas for couple volunteer opportunities:

  • Soup kitchen
  • Political campaign
  • Handing out condoms for HIV prevention
  • Help at an animal shelter
  • Assisting adults with disabilities
  • Mentoring youth
  • Helping homeless learn job skills
  • Providing childcare
  • Build houses
  • Work in a community garden
  • Disaster relief
  • Meals on Wheels
  • Reading to the blind or terminally ill

date ideas

11. Visit a Sex Shop

One problem that couples face after they’ve been dating for a while is that their sex life starts getting boring. You can solve this problem by visiting a sex shop together. If your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is a bit shy, you might start by shopping online for a new toy. Choose something simple and unthreatening, like heated lube, vibrating condoms, or sexy lingerie. Then, when you get more comfortable with the world of sex toys, you can start visiting sex stores in person and trying things like naughty costumes, handcuffs, and vibrators.

 

12. Go to a Couple’s Spa

A good relationship will have the right blend of down time, adventure, and luxury. One great way to get some luxury into your relationship is to visit a spa together. Some spas offer couple services, like couple massages or mud baths. Any stress that you have will melt away. When you think of your relationship, this memory of luxury and relaxation will come to mind!

 

13. Go Geo Caching

This idea is on our list of first date ideas, but it is also a fun date idea for established couples. Geo Caching is an adult scavenger hunt game where you go online to get geo coordinates for “caches” which have been hidden throughout the world. The caches are often hidden in cool places that you might not have visited otherwise, so it gives you and your loved one a reason to see new places in a fun, adventurous way.  You can also have fun hiding your own geo caches too!

 

14. Get Dressed Up and Do Something Classy

First date attire is usually something attractive but low-key. As we continue dating, we usually migrate to jeans and t-shirts. It is good to break away from this occasionally by going to some dress-up affair, such as the opera, theatre, classical music concert, or a fancy dinner.   You two will feel like royalty walking arm in arm down the strip and sitting in plush seats while pointing out all of the city’s movers and shakers


How to Date a Girl: Rules of the Dating Game Every Man Should Know

If you lived during the Victorian period, you wouldn’t be allowed to speak to a woman, even after introduction. You’d have to present your card to her and the lady would choose who she wanted to escort her home – with a chaperone present, of course! If you lived in 17th century Wales, you’d give a girl you like a carved wooden “love spoon” to express your interest. In England, a suitor would give a girl he liked a pair of gloves. If she wore the gloves to church, it meant his proposal had been accepted.

While men in our society today might not have to worry about things like carving spoons for their love interests, the rules of dating can still seem pretty complicated. To make matters worse, the rules are changing all the time thanks to things like mobile dating, texting, and shifting social norms.

how to date a girl

So, if you are confused by all the rules and advice on how to date a girl, you are not alone! Here, we will do our best to clear up the confusion about how to date a girl.

 

Phase 1: Finding the Right Girl

Here at PIOP, we’ve written a lot about how to meet women, how to pick up girls, and even have a free dating manual. So, we won’t rehash that info here. But I will say that there are some women you should NEVER date. Under ANY circumstances! These un-datable girls include:

  • Your secretary
  • Your friend’s sister (unless you don’t like that friend very much)
  • Your friend’s ex (unless you really don’t like that friend!)
  • Your ex girlfriend (an occasional booty call might be okay, but you can give up on dating once it’s over!)
  • High-maintenance girls (no matter how hot she is, it isn’t worth it!)
  • Strippers, hookers, and other “professionals”
  • Girls way outside of your age bracket*

*Use this rule to tell if a girl is too young/old for you: Take the older age and divide it in half. Then add seven. This is the youngest the other person can be.   So, if a guy is 30, then the youngest girl he can date is 22 (30 ÷ 2 + 7 = 22).

undatable girls

 

Phase 2: Arranging the Date

You like a girl and she’s expressed interest (this can be something as simple as making eye contact or handing over her phone number). Now it is time to ask her out on a date. Yes, I know there are all these new social norms about girls asking guys. But don’t be a dick and wait for her to call you. Ask her out! Girls like guys who take the initiative, aka have balls.

First, Find Out When She’s Free

You will significantly increase your chances of getting a “yes” if you ask her out at a time which is convenient for her. You also want to set the date up for a time when she will be in a good, relaxed mood. So, if you know that she has an important work meeting on Monday, don’t ask her out on Sunday. Ask her to go out on Tuesday instead when the stress of that meeting is over.

Always Be Specific About the Plans

If a girl is really desperate or has absolutely no plans, she might say yes when you ask, “Umm, you want to do something on Friday night?” But, assuming that the girl does have a life, she probably won’t be that excited about doing “something.”

When you ask a girl out, ALWAYS be specific about your ideas. For example,

“I heard that new movie is really good. Want to go see it with me on Friday and get a drink afterwards?”

A girl is a lot more likely to say yes to this sort of date request than generic plans to do “something.” She might even drop any other plans she’s made to go out with you!

Tips:

  • Don’t be afraid to ask her out on a weekday: There is less pressure to do something exciting these days, and also fewer crowds to distract you two.
  • Avoid daytime dates: These dates can be difficult because there usually isn’t alcohol involved to act as social lubrication, and you are expected to talk more.
  • Build her up for the date: Send some text messages beforehand saying things like, “Are you ready?”

Only Ask Her Out Once!

If a woman says no to a date, then don’t keep asking. It will just make you seem desperate – something no woman finds attractive.

A girl might say no to the date because she is busy, which is okay. But, if she is genuinely interested in you, she will make time to see you. If the reason she says no to the date is because she is busy, then she will respond by saying something affirmative, like “maybe next week instead?”

 

Phase 2: On the Date

Hopefully you are up on all your flirting techniques (download our free manual here) so you can build up sexual attraction and get her wanting more of you. But flirting will only take you so far. Here are some important dating rules to remember while you are out together:

Chivalry Isn’t Dead

Forget all that pickup artist BS which says that you should make a woman pay the bill and not to open the door for her. If you listen to that advice, you are a dick and don’t deserve a girl. So, act like a Medieval Knight and take care of your maiden.

  • Open the door for her
  • Take her hand to lead her through crowded places
  • Compliment her appearance
  • Give her your jacket if it’s cold out
  • If there is a long walk, offer to drop her off before parking the car (especially if she’s worn heels for you!)
  • Pull out her chair at the table
  • When picking her up, always come to the door. Do NOT call her and tell her to come out!
  • Pay the bill.

A note about paying the bill: There is a lot of controversy about this, and some women even insist on paying as a way of asserting their independence and so they won’t feel like they’ve been bought. But picking up the bill is still the gentlemanly thing to do. That doesn’t mean you need to be showy about it though! If she makes a move to pay the bill, simply put your hand over it and say something like, “I asked you out, so I will get it.”

paying the bill on a date

 

NEVER Talk about Your Ex!

Probably the worst thing you can do on a date is talk about your ex girlfriend. For starters, this is a sign that you aren’t over her yet. Further, your ex girlfriend is probably a terrible topic for conversation since you’ll likely be saying all sorts of bad things. Your date is supposed to be an upbeat, fun moment with the two of you connecting and building sexual attraction. You can’t do that if you are talking about how crazy/needy/etc. your ex was.

Drop Subtle Clues about Your Date-ability

Most women agree to a date because they think you are a promising prospective mate/partner/husband. During the date, subtly drop clues about what a good catch you are. For example, mention that you’ve got a dog (you’re responsible), that you are hoping for a promotion next year (financially stable), and that you love playing with your brother’s kids (good daddy material).

Sleeping with Her

If you really like a girl and want to see her again, then I’d say you should NOT sleep with her after the first date. There are two reasons for this:

  • It shows you are interested in her for more than just sex
  • It will build up the sexual tension so she wants you even more

Depending on how open the girl is sexually, you might want to wait until 3 or 4 dates before you sleep with her. However, you shouldn’t wait too long to get into bed with a girl. Remember that women love sex just as much as men (maybe even more so!). If she is giving you all the signs that she is interested and you don’t make the move, she will think that there is something wrong with you, or that you don’t really find her attractive. This will seriously hurt a girl’s feelings and she might not feel comfortable around you anymore.

 

Phase 3: After the Date

Whether it is your first date or fifth, you should always (repeat, ALWAYS!) follow up after a date. Even if you don’t like a girl, you still need to follow up! Not only is this common courtesy, but it also could save you from a potentially embarrassing situation – like if you see the girl while you are trying to pick up another girl.

After your first date, it is a good rule to immediately follow up with a text message. Then you can call her the next day or in a few days to touch base. Don’t worry about those stupid rules which say you’ve got to wait X days before you call a girl. Just do what feels natural. If you really like her, you’ll probably want to call her the next day. If you hit it off but you aren’t completely sure, you might not feel inclined to call her again for a few days. Both situations are fine.

Oh, and don’t follow up with an email or Facebook message because they are too impersonal. A text message or call is the best move. If you really had a good time, you might even want to send her flowers!

Another thing to remember about the post-date follow up is not to bombard her with messages. This will make you seem clingy, needy, or even stalkerish. Contact her once or (maximum) twice. Then wait for her to contact you so the ball is back in your court.

 

Phase 4: Is It Exclusive?

So, you’ve been on a few dates, you two are hitting it off well, and you think she could be “the one.” It is time to determine whether you two are dating exclusively or not. Unfortunately, things aren’t as simple as it was in high school where we just asked “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Never Assume It’s Exclusive!

No matter how long you two have been dating, don’t assume that she is exclusively dating you. You’ll just feel like an ass when you find out she’s still hooking up with her ex from 2 years ago.

If you are really confident in how things are going, you can take the direct approach and simply ask her if she is still interested in seeing other people, or if she wants to be exclusive with you. If you aren’t so confident, then you might want to use some subtle methods to figure out what she thinks about your relationship.

  • Ask her “So, what do you tell your friends about us?”
  • Jokingly ask, “So, did you pick up any hot men in the bar last night?”
  • Note how much time you are spending together and how much time she spends going out without you.

Remember, this is just to get clues about your relationship status! You should never fish for answers about your exclusivity, and you should definitely never make assumptions.

Once you have enough clues that she is interested in being exclusively with you, then man up and ask her! Tell her:

  • “I want you to be MY girl. What do you think about that?”
  • “I can’t continue seeing you unless I know I’m the only one you are seeing.”
  • “I really like you and would like to be exclusive with you. I hope you feel the same about me?”

(Read our tips on how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend here)

is it exclusive

 

Phase 5: Keep It Interesting

Now that you two are exclusively dating, you’ve got to be careful you don’t fall into the trap which gets many couples: boredom. Keep the lust, passion, and love growing by creating memories together, sharing new interests, and planning for the future.

If you feel like your relationship is waning, you might want to try these helpful programs: