What is the definition of love? What does real love look like? Richard Bach once said that if you love something deeply, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. And when it doesn’t come back, it never was. If this is true and if you let go of someone you love to see if they come back, and if they do come back, is it true love?
All of our lives we’ve been taught to hang on love. We make promises to love someone until death do us part. We are told to stick with love and our partners at any cost, even if it means betraying our sense of what we need and desire. We try to control love and take measures to prevent it from changes. But the reality is love is constant. We humans are the ones who need to have freedom in love. Why? Because we are the ones, who are always changing. If we don’t grow, boredom and stagnation will creep into our relationship. The freedom to be yourself and say what you feel and like to as you advance through life can gradually disappear with the one nearest and dearest to you.
We want to protect and avoid hurting our spouses. What will happen if our partners aren’t moving in the ways we are? We know our partners so well that we can anticipate their lack of interest or their negative responses. So, why put ourselves out there so face the pain given the fact that all of our lives we have been told or learned to avoid it? Many of us usually justify this state of our relationship as “being compromising or considerate.” Even worse, we tell ourselves we need to compromise or be considerate in a relationship as it’s a way to show unconditional love to our boyfriends or girlfriends. What if we had it all wrong? What if love is actually about establishing an open and vast space that will enable both parties to expand into all sides you’re meant to become?
Freedom in love consists of no boundaries or limits. It’s abundant and has space for all the ups and downs, and for both happiness and disappointments. We are spiritual beings and always evolving. We have the chance and space to experience true abundance. So, why won’t love to give us the freedom for that? If we keep judging our partners, it will hinder our freedom to grow. Judging and criticizing others is the cause of what most of us get wrong when it comes to love. When you feel annoyed, resentful, frustrated, or mad at someone for something you don’t agree with and condemn them, its judgment. How on earth can you possibly make someone love you unconditionally when you’re making him or her feel wrong or less worthy than you? Judging people creates control and ownership in love that manifests into resentment and disconnection.
Love doesn’t take sides. In love, it doesn’t matter who’s right. True and unconditional love offers a unique kind of freedom that goes beyond what’s right and wrong. If you judge someone, you’ll be deprived of the experience of being in love because your spirit isn’t free to explore. The more denouncing and controlling you become in love and relationships, the needier and dependent you’ll become for somebody else to make you happy.