Two feelings are a must for any marriage or relationship to thrive or even survive. These two feelings are a way of considering how you’re feeling, and thinking how your partner or girlfriend might be feeling. Notice that we have mentioned “feelings” here instead of “emotions”, as this word better conveys what we’re trying to communicate. A person can feel in a specific way, though most people might associate this with an emotional response, it’s still different.
Anyways, the two feelings are: 1) The feeling of being wanted, and 2) The feeling of being accepted.
The Feeling Of Being Wanted
At this stage, we’re referring to feeling wanted by your partner on many levels such as, “Am I sexually wanted?””Does she desire me?” “Does she want to be with me?” “Does she want to know me?” “Does she want me to do better?” etc. So, what is the opposite of feeling wanted? Well, it is feeling needed or feeling unwanted. It doesn’t matter whether it’s unwanted or needed, both of these feelings can ruin a relationship. If a partner thinks that he's unwanted, he starts to feel undesirable, unlovable, even unworthy. Feeling unwanted invokes a person to question his physical attractiveness, mental well-being, and his spiritual wellness. Meanwhile, feeling needed can also be equally as destructive. Think about it, a partner in a relationship or marriage can feel needed without being wanted. This feeling of being needed can lead to insecurities or fears of losing one self-worth. When someone needs another person, it means that this person is using him or her to fulfill that’s person’s wants and needs, without giving any attentions of what the other person may require.
We aren’t saying that couples don’t need to depend on each other. That is the nature of a relationship or marriage. The more you bond with your spouse, the more you rely on a functional level with each other. But, this is entirely different from the feeling of being needed, which actually directs the neediness of a partner. It is unattractive and harmful in a marriage. So, ask yourself, “Do you feel wanted by your significant other?” “Does your significant other feel wanted by you?”
The Feeling Of Being Accepted
This one deals with the emotional needs that we all have which is to be accepted and loved. “Does my partner take me for who I am?” Many times we have heard from couples saying that they could love their boyfriends or girlfriends if only they can make some changes. It means that they’re already in love with him or her; they just want to change them. Unfortunately, we see many marriages are built on the assumption that after getting married, they would love to see or make some changes in their spouses.
We always keep hearing about married couples that they would be more loved if they had more and better sex, lasted longer in bed, ate more healthily, got a better job, lost weight, exercised more, quit drinking, dressed more stylishly, helped more with the chores, and the list goes on.
Our point is not that we shouldn’t improve ourselves after we’re married or in a committed relationship. What we’re actually trying to convey is when the pressure to change or improve comes from beside ourselves, we feel defeated, less empowered, less accepted or unaccepted and even rejected. So, again ask yourself, “Do you feel accepted by your significant other?” “Does your significant other feel accepted by you?”