Finally, you and your partner decided to go to a marriage counselor to resolve problems in your marriage and make it work. But, what can you do to improve the chances of couple’s therapy worth all the time and money you invested in it? But, before that how does marriage counseling work? Well, we need a professional relationship expert or a skilled marriage therapist, but apart from it, there are some things that you can do for yourself to help make your marriage counseling successful.
Here's how you can make your marriage counseling successful:
- Having more goals for yourself than your spouse is helpful.
Sure, you and your significant other to change or you both wouldn't need therapy. But, working on yourself with your partner beside you is probably the most practical approach to having a positive impact on your marriage. However keep in mind that focusing exclusively on what your partner requires to change doesn’t instantly works, and eventually, it turns out that you don't get what you want. So, ask yourself what is that you want from the relationship. Recall your early expectations during the initial days of your relationship. This will be helpful for you to envision what it is you want and how do define an ideal relationship. Ask yourself these questions such as; what are your characteristics? How can you behave as a perfect partner in a perfect world? What are your weaknesses? What are your real attitudes and behaviors? What things do you avoid? If you find the answers to these questions, making up your goals in therapy will be easy.
- Put yourself out there.
When we see ourselves in an unhappy marriage, often there is anger, annoyance, resentment, and judgment. Dig deeper and try to find out what triggered those thoughts and feelings. Were you too open and honest and became upset? Do you feel helpless, hopeless or embarrassed? Do you feel anxious or stressed that you’re being controlled? Are you afraid to trust? Are you scared that you’ll be hurt again? If you feel any resistance against cooperating, it can be a sign that you've been avoiding some specific thoughts and feelings. So, open up to your partner, and be vulnerable in front of your spouse. It will make them feel more compassionate and empathetic to you. Meanwhile, your therapist will make sure the session in safe and secure place to do it.
- Set aside some time
Marriage therapy takes time. Couples therapy isn’t something that can be fixed quickly. Therefore, make some time to spend with each other without any distractions, and establish a positive space in your life for each other. Make sure none of the partners beg for it.
- Don’t think of divorce, at least for now.
Both of you are attending marriage counseling to save your relationship. Maybe you both are feeling hopeful for the relationship, so don’t think of divorce. However, the question remains whether you both can commit right now to working hard on your relationship by taking off divorce off the table.
- Find your freedom
Marriages and relationships, even the best ones, were never meant to fulfill all of our needs. So be prepared because there will be times when you’ll feel bored, lonely, or feel ashamed. So, Instead of depending on your spouse to make you a whole, find your freedom, find yourself and be your own full person.