We all experience this while dating. We go on a date with someone we're interested in, but your instincts tell you that he or she isn’t right for you. You want to say it to him or her, but can’t, as you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So, what’s the best way to handle the situation? How can you nicely tell someone that you aren’t interested? What should you say?
Usually, considerate people will simply disappear without telling their dates anything. They justify this awful action by convincing themselves that they’ve done this because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. It is way better than rejecting someone they have no interest in dating. Is this the right way? Honestly, it’s downright wrong. By not giving any explanation why you left without telling him or her, you’re doing the thing you always wanted to avoid – hurting the other person. You see, nobody likes to be in the dark. It’s inconsiderate, rude and disrespectful. Everyone deserves to be treated honorably. So, handle the situation with an appropriate level of consideration and maturity by investing all your efforts.
Honesty is crucial in a relationship. Always deliver the truth, no matter how harsh or hurtful it can be or how bad the consequences will be to the other person. If you aren’t interested, instead of making him or her wait, be direct and tell them, “I’m not interested in you.” Delivering this message can make any person uneasy, but it will certainly create more pain and discomfort if you delay it. This message will give the person you rejected closure. Otherwise, people can be left thwarted, questioning themselves of their worth.
How the message will impact the other person depends on what you say and how you say it. Sometimes it’s better to keep the explanation brief. Some men and women would be really happy if you gave them detailed reasons. Remember, it’s mainly how you say it, not just what you need them to hear. Keep your tone calm, and be assured, relaxed and gentle. Never be defensive or dismissive. Tell him or her that, you had a great time on the date, but it occurred to you that you aren’t interested in taking this further. Tell them they are a wonderful person with a great personality and qualities, but you noticed that your interests, goals, and personality are different than their's. End it by telling them that you hope they understand and that you aren’t the right person for them.
Also consider the medium you will use to convey your decision. An email may be adequate in some situations, while some will require a reason at the end of the date. But if you want to leave the other person after a few dates, having a conversation over the phone is a commendable choice.
Lastly, if you’re the person who is on the receiving end, remind yourself that finding someone for a relationship always involves some degree of trial and error. Keep in mind that the person you dated rejected you not because there is something wrong with you. It happened because this wasn’t the right match or relationship for you. Be patient with yourself, keep moving ahead, and you will find someone right for you.