One of the biggest complaints questions we hear from men is “why can’t I get a girlfriend.” Trust us: it isn’t the girls – It is you. If you can’t get a girlfriend, then one or all of the following reasons probably apply.
You Are Looking in the Wrong Places
This is probably one of the leading reasons why you don’t have a girlfriend. Most guys think that they should hit the bars and clubs to find a girlfriend. Sure, you can meet women in bars – but only if you are already super good looking, charismatic, and your bantering skills are up to par. Otherwise, there is simply too much competition from the other men (and the male-to-female ratio probably isn’t in your favor). Plus, women know men are on the prowl and their guard is up. Guys who have trouble getting a girlfriend should skip the bars and check out these places to meet women instead. If you need help picking up girls, then download our free dating manual.
You Are Looking for the Wrong Type of Girl
Yes, I know you are attracted to those ultra high-maintenance girls with long locks of carefully set hair, manicured nails and outfits which cost more than your entire paycheck. These girls look good because they put a lot of effort into looking good, and they do it for a reason. eHarmony reports that “high maintenance is just today’s term for a well-tuned competition strategy to win over a high mate-value partner.” If you aren’t prepared to put in just as much effort as the girl (or much, much more effort!), then you can forget about snagging one of these girls.
Even if you are considered enough of a “high value” man to snag a high-maintenance girl, would you really want to? You might just find yourself in a narcissism relationship. Focus on finding a girlfriend who shares common interests and life goals, and not just the girls who turn your head.
You are Too “Nice”
Now, there is nothing wrong with being “nice.” But, when women call you a “nice guy”, they aren’t referring to the fact that you say please and thank you.
In the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, Dr. Robert Glover outlines what is a pretty good definition of a “nice guy.” Dr. Glover explains how, because of the shift from agrarian to manufacturing society as well as several wars, boys came to lack father figures at home. Boys not only lacked male influence at home, but also in school as most teachers are women. This conditioned boys to seek the approval of women, a habit they carried into adulthood.
“Nice guys” are so eager for female approval that they will do anything to appease them. They put women on pedestal. They believe they have to anything in order to make others happy – even at the expense of themselves.
When you put other people’s happiness above your own, it will lead to problems. The only person you can make happy is yourself! Hence, “Nice Guy Syndrome” involves feelings of self-loathing and resentment.
No woman will ever respect you if you have Nice Guy Syndrome. Focus on making yourself happy and meeting your own needs. Then you will be able to find a girlfriend.
You Have Nothing to Offer
It is evolutionary instinct for women to look for security in their mates. Often, this means financial security. But you don’t have to be rich or have a good job to offer security. An obvious example would be if you a dirt poor now because you are paying your way through medical school. A girl won’t mind cheap dates because you hold the promise of having a good job later on.
Again, security isn’t just about finances! Women also want to feel secure in the relationship (that you aren’t a cheater). They want emotional security (you will listen to them). If you are young, such as looking to get a girlfriend in high school, then security may come in the form of social status – such as always having someone to sit with at the lunch table and a date on Friday nights. If you can offer these things, then you are on your way to getting a girlfriend.
You Are Boring
Dating is supposed to be fun and exhilarating. Women want to be swept off their feet. They want racing hearts and thoughts occupied by you. They don’t want to be taken to the same cheesy place for dinner and a movie each weekend.
The sad thing is that a lot of guys don’t even realize that they are boring. Some of the biggest signs that you are boring are that:
- You talk about things which only interest you
- You are really uptight and overly serious (you might think things like “I am too mature to do that!”)
- You are afraid to try new things
- You are super predictable (always taking the surest/safest route in life)
- You have no hobbies
- You are a hermit
- You complain a lot and are a total downer
This last point is really important. No girl wants to be with a guy who is always saying negative things. You might not even realize how badly it is coming across when you, for example, meet a woman in a bar and open by saying that the band sucks. To get a girlfriend, you should always focus on the positive – even if the band really does suck. Women are attracted to men who can make the best of any situation.
Luckily, it is pretty easy to be less boring. Open up a local events listing page and see what sort of things are happening near you. Maybe there is an art exhibition happening tonight. Maybe the YMCA is hosting free Taekwondo classes. Those don’t sound like things you’d be interested in doing? Well, point proven – you are boring! Get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Even if you don’t like them, you will still enrich your life and seem more interesting and have things to say to women you just met, thus drastically increasing your chances of getting a girlfriend.
You Look Like Crap
Think that looks don’t matter to women? Wrong! It might not be on the top of their lists (as it is with men), but looks definitely matter. No woman wants to be seen with a guy who is fat, pimply, and badly dressed.
- Start by joining a gym and losing some weight. You don’t have to be ripped, but being in good health will definitely attract women (this also has to do with the desire for security, because no woman wants to be with an unhealthy guy they will have to take care of later in life).
- Stop going to Super Cuts and get a decent hair cut.
- Groom yourself better. This means shaving your face, trimming your pubes, and cutting your nails before going on dates!
- Wear clothes that fit you. A lot of guys make the mistake of wearing clothes which are too big for them. When you wear oversized clothes, you will look sloppy. For overweight men, wearing too big clothes won’t hide your girth – it will make you appear bigger. Next time you go clothes shopping, ask for assistance from a sales girl to get some clothes which really fit your body shape.
- Understand what “casual” means. When it comes to clothes, there is a fine line between “casual” and “slovenly.” It is okay to wear jeans to a casual date (so long as they fit you), but you’ll need to class it up a bit with a nice shirt, blazer, or accessories like a scarf or belt.
You Are a Sexist Pig
When talking about why some guys can’t find a girlfriend, this one often goes overlooked –despite it being a pervasive problem. Before you start babbling about how you aren’t a sexist pig, think about it from the girl’s perspective.
Girls put up with a lot of crap on a daily basis. They still get paid 78 cents to each dollar earned by men. Billboards litter the streets with unrealistic Photo-shopped images of women’s bodies (which you admittedly hope your girlfriend will look like). There are still beauty pageants going on where women line up in bathing suits to be judged by men. And then there are the cat calls, slut shaming, and many other things women have to put up with.
As Anne Gus so rightly points out, by complaining that you can’t find a girlfriend, you are basically complaining that women would dare to have some standards.
One great example of sexist guys without girlfriends is gamers. Recently, there was a “Game Gate” scandal in which male video game players harassed and threatened women like Anita Sarkeesian for simply pointing out how women are displayed in video games.
Considering that gamers spend hours upon hours watching sexist portrayals of women getting raped, beaten, or rescued as helpless damsels in distress in video games, it shouldn’t be surprising that gamers are notorious for not being able to get a girlfriend. Think about that for a minute…
So if you’ve ever called a woman a slut for choosing another guy over you, made lewd comments about a woman because of what she looks like, or expected a woman to be grateful because you bought her a cheap bouquet of flowers, then you need to check yourself and your sexist sentiments. Start actually hanging around some women. You’ll learn to respect them, become a decent human being, and eventually get a girlfriend.